


Break Me In Two (So We Can Both Dance)

by bright_lights_big_dreams



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Abortion, Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Bellarke, Dirty Talk, Eventual Smut, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Light Dom/sub, Loss of Virginity, Minor Becho, Minor Character Death, Pining, Praise Kink, Slow Burn, Smut, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Underage Drinking, Unplanned Pregnancy, it's just more of my usual messy angst lets be real, minor clexa - Freeform, said it was a slow burn, set over like ten years
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-19
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:41:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 28,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26537491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bright_lights_big_dreams/pseuds/bright_lights_big_dreams
Summary: Bellamy almost stops breathing when he sees it. There’s a black outline of a human body – like the type you’d have to annotate in a science lesson – spanning the top of Clarke’s arm. The only things in the outline are a brain where the heart should be, and a heart in the head.It’shismark.He and Clarke have the same soulmarks.Clarke is hissoulmate.-Everybody has a soulmark, and there will be exactly one person on the planet that shares the same mark. They appear on a child’s thirteenth birthday – at the exact same time as the moment that they took their first breath in the world. No one really knowswhy, it’s just how it’s always been. There has always been soulmates, and however much research is done as to how they work, nobody is any the wiser. Soulmarks and soulmates are just one of the universes many secrets that nobody will ever be able to truly understand.So, Bellamy had never really paid much attention to the whole discourse surrounding soulmarks and soulmates. Until, that was, his little sister’s best friend showed up on her thirteenth birthday with his soulmark on her skin.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin
Comments: 33
Kudos: 295





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, am back again with another multi-chapter that I actually have all planned out for once.  
> I have the next few chapters mostly written up - and I'm going to do my best to keep to a weekly update schedule with this one (although uni does start up again in a couple weeks so I'm not gonna make any promises)  
> Also this fic will include my first attempt at smut (but like the tag says, eventual smut, so that's not gonna be anytime soon - and the main reason I'm writing that here is so I don't wimp out)  
> It's looking like this fic will be around 10 chapters - but that is an estimate and could easily change. There's also quite a few time jumps cause ya gals got a lot of ground to cover with this one.
> 
> Title from Vulture, Vulture - Of Monsters & Men (great song, has nothing to do with the fic tbh but I highly recommend it)
> 
> This first chapter has some flashbacky moments which are in italics (but honestly it's just because the tenses were fucking me over when I was writing and it was the best way I could think of doing it)
> 
> With that said, I hope you enjoy xoxo

Bellamy had never really had any strong feelings about soulmates. Everybody had one – some people wanted to find the match deemed perfect by some strange combination of DNA and fate – others were avidly against searching for their soulmates. Bellamy himself was just passive – if he found his soulmate, he found them, but he was also never going to shut away the idea of being in a relationship with a person that didn’t share his soulmark just because he was holding out hope for his so-called other half. 

Everybody has a soulmark, and there will be exactly one person on the planet that shares the same mark. They appear on a child’s thirteenth birthday – at the exact same time as the moment that they took their first breath in the world. No one really knows _why_ , it’s just how it’s always been. There has always been soulmates, and however much research is done as to how they work, nobody is any the wiser. Soulmarks and soulmates are just one of the universes many secrets that nobody will ever be able to truly understand. 

So, Bellamy had never really paid much attention to the whole discourse surrounding soulmarks and soulmates. Until, that was, his little sister’s best friend showed up on her thirteenth birthday with his soulmark on her skin.

Describing Clarke Griffin as _just_ his little sister’s best friend would definitely class as doing her a disservice. She had been a pretty much daily presence in his life for the past five years – ever since he and Octavia had moved to the quiet town of Arkadia after the sudden death of their mother. Aurora Blake had been a loving if hard-working mother, and despite the fact that he had done his fair share of babysitting over the years, nineteen-year-old Bellamy had been woefully unprepared for the task of taking on responsibility for an eight-year-old – especially one as tenacious as Octavia - in a city as expensive and hard to prosper in as Polis. He had been working full time since he had left high school, and with the culmination of his savings and the inheritance that he received he had managed to scrape enough money together to get them away from Polis and to a small but well-kept two-bedroom house in Arkadia. 

Bellamy found himself a job at Marcus Kane’s security firm - which offered a very fair wage and flexible hours that he could fit around having to look after Octavia easily enough - and had gotten his little sister enrolled in Arkadia Elementary School. The school had seemed nicer than any he had ever attended in the city, and also offered before-and-after school clubs if he ever was needed to work at those times. It had been exactly what Bellamy needed to be able to change both his and Octavia’s life for the better – although he had feared it was all at risk very early on when he had received a phone call from the school during Octavia’s first week, asking him to come in due to the fact that O had been involved in a fight.

That had been the first time he’d met the Griffin’s. 

-

_Bellamy tapped his fingers impatiently on the steering wheel, waiting for the traffic lights to change on his way to Octavia’s school. He had been allowed to leave work early when he received the call from the school and spent the twenty-minute car journey turning the vague details he had been given over the phone over and over in his head. He just couldn’t comprehend the fact that his little sister had gotten into a fight in her first few days at her new school. Octavia had always been feisty, but never violent. She had seemed happy enough at home the last few days – and certainly hadn’t complained about anything or anyone at her new school – but maybe he had missed something. Perhaps she wasn’t coping as well as he thought she had been with everything that had happened over the past few months. Losing their mother and moving to an entirely new place where they knew no-one had been hard enough for him to adjust to, let alone for a child. Maybe he’d made a mistake coming here in the first place._

_When he finally got to the school he was directed towards principal Diyoza’s office – and he entered the room to find that he was the final guardian to arrive. Octavia was in a chair on one side of the room, face red like it went when she got upset, and the empty chair to her side was clearly meant for him. On the other side of the room there was another brunette child with crossed arms and a scraped knee – and quite frankly the woman next to her looked slightly terrifying. The last child in the room was a small blonde girl looking totally unbothered and flanked by her parents, who, judging by their scrubs and suit, had also come from work._

_“Sorry for the wait, I was at work and got here as quickly as I could.” Bellamy apologised as he took his seat, shooting a quick glance at Octavia who didn’t seem to want to make eye contact._

_“That’s no problem Mr Blake,” Bellamy is not used to being called Mr Blake – it’s strange; makes him feel older than he is, “As you are all aware, Octavia, Clarke and Ontari were involved in an altercation on the playground. However, none of the girls have been particularly forthcoming with the details so I’m hoping that having parents and guardians in the room will help us with discovering what happened and then working out the consequences.” Diyoza explained. Bellamy was definitely intimidated by the woman – he doesn’t quite understand how three eight-year olds **aren’t**. _

_The lady with the other brunette child speaks up haughtily, “I’m not sure what needs to be said. My Ontari is injured, and one of these girls hurt her and should be punished for that.”_

_“I do understand what you’re saying Mrs Azgeda, however I would like to know the full story before any punishments are discussed.” Diyoza returns. Bellamy internally balks at the the idea of Octavia being punished. She couldn’t get kicked out of school already, could she?_

_“What happened, O?” Bellamy tries to push. He has a point to prove here. He needs to show that he’s a responsible adult that is capable of looking after his little sister, and that she respects him. Octavia just shrugs._

_It’s Clarke that speaks first (which Bellamy will come to learn is a very common occurrence), “Ontari was being mean to Octavia, so I stood up for her.” The blonde’s voice is clear, and there is no regret in it._

_Diyoza raises an eyebrow. “Clarke, you didn’t just stand up for Octavia, you pushed Ontari over.”_

_Clarke huffs and mutters something under her breath that Bellamy can’t quiet make out. Her parents obviously hear it though, judging by the sharp nudge and the hissed ‘stop’ she receives from her mother._

_“What was Ontari saying to Octavia?” Diyoza asks, looking between the young girls and waiting for one of them to crack._

_“I didn’t say anything to her!” Ontari attempts to protest._

_“Liar!” Clarke cries out, “She was saying really mean things! She made Octavia cry!”_

_Bellamy looks at where Octavia is scuffing her shoes alone the carpeted floor – it isn’t like her to cry at just anything, or to be this quiet. He can tell that she’s upset. “Look, O,” he speaks softly, “I won’t be mad, I promise. I know it’s been a big week for you. You just need to tell us what happened.”_

_For a moment he thinks she’s going to ignore him again, but then she looks up at him – big green eyes shiny with tears – and speaks in the smallest voice he thinks he’s ever heard from her, “She said that no-one loves me because I don’t have a mom or dad anymore – but that’s not true because I’ve got you, Bell, and I told her that but she wouldn’t listen!”_

_Bellamy feels his heart stutter at her words. He doesn’t understand how kids can be so cruel sometimes. The fear of having no family left that loved them was one for him to deal with, not O._

_“Ontari? Is that true?” Diyoza asks, but everyone in the room can tell by the way the girls face flushes a deep scarlet that it is._

_“Okay, as that is the case, to me it is a clear that Octavia deserves an apology, don’t you think?”_

_Ontari nods and stammers out a very weak apology, but Octavia seems to accept it._

_“And Clarke, you need to apologise for pushing Ontari. Remember, if there are any problems you should go to a teacher. You don’t need to fix them yourself, especially with violence. I understand that you were helping Octavia out, but you did not go about it in the correct way.”_

_Clarke opens her mouth as if to a protest, but after a sharp glare from her mother she issues her own, very reluctant, apology._

_“Seeing as it is close to the end of the day, I think it’s best if you all took the girls home now,” Diyoza tells the adults, before turning her attention on to the kids, “I’ll be keeping a close eye on all of you though, to make sure nothing like this happens again.” Diyoza looks up at Bellamy at the end of the sentence, and he feels very reassured that she’s taking what Ontari said seriously. In actual fact, Octavia doesn’t appear to have done anything wrong in the situation, thank god._

_Diyoza shows everybody out of her office, and almost as soon as they are out in the hallway Octavia is accosted by a very enthusiastic Clarke._

_“Octavia! Come with me - I want to show you my art that’s on the wall!” Clarke announces, grabbing O’s arm and pulling her towards the presentation on the wall. His little sister seems happy enough to follow the girl, so Bellamy sees no issue in letting it happen._

_Bellamy hears a huff from behind him, and turns to see Clarke’s parents standing there with amused smiles._

_“I’m sorry about that, Clarke has a habit of being a bit bossy. We’re trying to work on it. I’m Jake and this is my wife, Abby.” Clarke’s father introduces them, holding out a hand._

_Bellamy lets out a laugh and returns the handshake, “Oh don’t worry, Octavia can be just as bad. Once she’s more settled here she’ll get a lot louder. I’m Bellamy.”_

_“Nice to meet you Bellamy,” Abby speaks before glancing over to the wall where the girls are staring at the pictures whilst Clarke talks animatedly, “Something tells me we’ll be seeing a lot of each other.”_

-

Abby wasn’t wrong. Clarke and Octavia had been pretty much inseparable since that day, but both Bellamy and Octavia became very close to the Griffin family. Jake especially was the closest thing to a father figure Bellamy had ever had in his life, and Bellamy owed them. There was a lot he still hadn’t known about life and parenting at nineteen, but Jake and Abby had been more than happy to give him any help that he needed, and were more than happy to look after Octavia if he needed to work any extra shifts, just as he would look after Clarke if both Jake and Abby had to be at work. 

So yes, Clarke was definitely a lot more than just Octavia’s best friend – if anything he saw her as another little sister that he didn’t need to worry about as much – which was just another reason that the appearance of her soulmark had been so shocking.

-

_Bellamy turns up the volume on the TV, attempting to drown out the incessant giggling coming from Octavia’s room. He can’t blame them -he supposes. It’s the big day – Clarke’s thirteenth birthday – and with a click glance at the clock he knows that her soulmark will be appearing in approximately seven minutes. They had done the exact same thing on Octavia’s birthday a few months earlier, cooped themselves up in her room until after the soulmark appeared before running down to show him. Octavia’s soulmark was an intricately decorated sword that took up half of her calf. She loved it, of course._

_Clarke was so excited for her mark to appear. She had been raised on her parent’s picture-perfect love story – the two of them having met on their first day of college and pretty much falling in love on the spot – even before they discovered that they shared the same marks. Clarke had spent a large amount of the past few years imagining all the possible meet-cute scenarios she could think of (and then describing them in great detail to anyone that would listen)._

_He knows the moment that the mark appears, because all the sounds he can hear from upstairs stop immediately. He waits for the inevitable sound of Octavia’s bedroom door being flung open and the girls to come charging downstairs, but it never happens. When there’s still no sign of movement after half an hour, he decides he should check to see if everything was okay._

_The girls are sitting on Octavia’s bed – Clarke with a blanket wrapped around her shoulders despite the warm weather. The looks on their faces are not excited or happy, and he can tell that they’re trying to be secretive about something – mainly because the hushed conversation they were having ceases as soon as he walks in the room._

_“Is everything okay.” Bellamy asks, even though it clearly isn’t._

_“Yeah.” Clarke’s response isn’t convincing in the slightest, especially when added to the look she sends to Octavia._

_“How’s the soulmark?” Bellamy can’t be bothered to beat around the bush. The weird vibe in the room is clearly a result of whatever has just appeared on Clarke’s body._

_Neither of the girls moved to respond._

_“What is it? Do you not like it or something?” He teases, hoping it would bring some reaction other than silence._

_“That’s not the problem.” Octavia responds, eyes flitting between Clarke and himself._

_“What is, then?” Bellamy questions. A sudden thought enters Bellamy’s head that perhaps Clarke’s mark is the same as Octavia’s – the two are so inseparable that he wouldn’t be particularly surprised and it would explain why they’re both being so weird – but a quick glance at the blonde’s left leg shows that the skin there is bare._

_Clarke takes a deep breath and lets the blanket slip off her right arm. Bellamy almost stops breathing when he sees it. There’s a black outline of a human body – like the type you’d have to annotate in a science lesson – spanning the top of Clarke’s arm. The only things in the outline are a brain where the heart should be, and a heart in the head._

_It’s **his** mark. _

_He and Clarke have the same soulmarks._

_Clarke is his **soulmate**._

_“Holy fuck.” Is all that Bellamy can say._

_It doesn’t make **sense**. How can Clarke Griffin – bossy, slightly spoiled, stubborn Clarke Griffin – who is the closest thing he and O have to **family** \- be the person the universe has deemed his perfect match?_

_It can’t be right. There has to be some minute differences between the marks. It’s happened before – people believe they’ve found their soulmate but then discover the marks are slightly different sizes, or there’s a tiny detail missing from one that’s present on the other. Clarke is **thirteen** , for god’s sake. He’s twenty-four. It isn’t **right**._

_“Bellamy,” Clarke says his name and he doesn’t think he’s ever heard her sound so unsure of herself, “I don’t – what does this **mean**?”_

_Bellamy knows what she’s asking. What does this mean for the future – for **them**. The simple answer is that he has no fucking idea, honestly, because Clarke being his soulmate still isn’t computing in his brain – but he needs to give her a better response than that. She’s just a kid – this soulmark hasn’t just confused **him** , it’s also thrown a bomb in just about everything Clarke had considered for her future. It’s almost a right of passage for everyone to spend the next few months after they gain their soulmark obsessed with soulmates – dreaming about how they’ll find their match and who they’ll be for however long it takes for the excitement to die down. Clarke isn’t going to have that – because she already knows who her match is. There will be no big romantic meeting or dramatic realisation – just the knowledge that her soulmate is her best friend’s big brother._

_Bellamy crouches down next to the bed, and traces a finger down the outline of the soulmark. Upon closer inspection, it is definitely identical to his – there’s no question of that._

_“It doesn’t have to mean anything, Clarke,” Bellamy begins, swallowing the lump in his throat and trying to sound confident, “It’s strange – I know, and it might take a bit of getting used to but it doesn’t have to change anything you don’t want it to. You know that people don’t have to be **with** their soulmates – it’s just a possibility – an option. We can make it whatever the hell we want it to be, okay?” Bellamy is trying to comfort himself just as much as he is Clarke. He knows that he could be lying – the mark **could** change everything. Jake and Abby could decide that they want to keep their daughter away from him. Everyone’s heard the horror stories of people taking advantage of their much younger soulmates. He would never do anything like that to Clarke – he **couldn’t** \- but he knew that any of he and Clarke’s future interactions were as much the decision of her parents as it was the two of them._

_“Yeah. Whatever the hell we want it to be.” Clarke nods, and she seems to be calmed somewhat by his answer. At least she is – that’s what matters right now._

_“Well,” Octavia speaks up, a bright lilt to her voice which is an obvious attempt to lighten the atmosphere, “That was not how I expected today to go.”_

_Bellamy snorts. That’s an understatement._

_Abby and Jake were both at work, which was why Clarke had spent her birthday at their house in the first place, but they were going over to the Griffin’s later on to have dinner and for Clarke to open her presents._

_Bellamy spends the entirety of the time between seeing Clarke’s soulmark and arriving at the Griffin’s attempting to work out what he’s supposed to say to her parents. He wants to think that Abby and Jake know him well enough now to know that he would never do anything to hurt Clarke – but that doesn’t necessarily matter in a situation like this._

_Abby’s in the hallway when they enter the house, immediately wrapping Clarke up in a warm hug, “Happy Birthday honey, have you had a nice day?”_

_Clarke says yes, but it’s very unenthusiastic. Bellamy can’t help but feel guilty – like it’s his fault the universe decided to fuck them over._

_Abby obviously picks up on Clarke’s uncertainty, but before she can comment on it, Jake pokes his head into the hallway, “Come on kid, let’s see it then.”_

_Clarke doesn’t respond, just looks to Bellamy. Bellamy himself doesn’t think he’s been this fucking anxious since he first made the decision to move to Arkadia. He doesn’t want to lose the Griffin’s – they’ve been so good to him and O – he doesn’t know what he’d do without them._

_“What is it? You don’t seem very excited.” Jake queries, making his way towards where they’ve all congregated close to the entrance of the living room. The Griffin’s house is a lot larger than his and O’s, and with the amount of time he’s spent there it’s almost like a second home. He hopes this isn’t the last time he’s allowed round._

_Bellamy opens his mouth to say something, to try and explain to Jake and Abby that their daughters soulmark is **his** soulmark but he can’t find the words._

_Octavia, apparently tired of his inability to speak, beats him to it, making the statement like it isn’t something life-changing, “It’s the same as Bellamy’s.”_

_“What?” Abby chokes out breathily._

_Bellamy takes a deep breath and finds his voice, “Clarke’s soulmark is the same as mine.”_

_The next half hour is not the greatest in Bellamy’s life. It definitely isn’t the worst (that moment will forever belong to the moment he found it his mother had been hit by a drunk driver and had died instantly). He and Clarke are both ushered into the living room, sat down next to each other and their arms are examined in great detail by Jake and Abby._

_“They’re definitely the same.” Abby concludes, saying what everyone else already knew for sure._

_“I’m not sure I know what to say.” Is Jake’s input._

_“Neither do I.” Bellamy admits._

_“Clarke and Octavia, go and have a look at the takeaway menus and decide what you want for dinner.” Abby orders. There isn’t much room for argument, but Clarke tries anyway._

_“No! This is as much about me as it is about him. I want to stay.”_

_“Clarke,” Bellamy interjects softly, nudging her with his arm, “Go on, it’s okay.”_

_The blonde huffs, “Fine, but you’re not allowed to make any decisions without me. I don’t even know why it’s such a big deal. Like Bellamy said earlier, soulmates only have to mean something if you want them to. We don’t, so it doesn’t matter.” She stomps out the room, quickly followed by Octavia, who’s already discussing the pros and cons of Chinese vs Italian._

_Bellamy looks up at Jake and Abby. He can’t read the expressions on their faces – and can’t even try to begin to think about what must be going through their heads. They were probably expecting Clarke’s soulmate to be some rich lawyer or doctor or something – not a security guard eleven years her senior._

_He figures he should probably break the silence – attempt to explain things from his point of view, even if he’s not sure that there really is anything he **can** explain, “I know – well I don’t really know anything right now. I don’t get it and it really doesn’t make sense to me. I’d understand if you want to keep Clarke away from me – if O’s soulmate showed up and was my age - I don’t know what I’d do but it probably wouldn’t be good. I just – I hope you know that I would never ever do anything to hurt Clarke or hold her back at all. I love her like I love O – I just want to see her grow up happy.”_

_“Of course we know that you’d never hurt her, Bellamy,” Jake assures him, and god it feels good to hear those words come out of his mouth, “And I very much doubt we’d be able to keep Clarke away from you if we tried.”_

_Abby lets out a noise of agreement, “That girl is only going to get harder to control when she gets older. You know, if there was anyone that we know that I thought may have been Clarke’s soulmate, it definitely would have been Octavia.”_

_Bellamy snorts out a laugh, “I actually thought the exact same thing before I saw the soulmark. They were both acting so strangely.”_

_A crash from the kitchen distracts the three of them, and Abby heads off to see what Clarke and Octavia have inevitably just destroyed, leaving Bellamy with Jake. The older man looks at him for a moment before speaking, “Bellamy, son. You know I respect you endlessly. Watching you mature and raise Octavia over the past five years has been nothing short of inspiring.”_

_“Thank you.” Bellamy speaks even though he knows Jake hasn’t quite finished. He isn’t sure if he’s going to like the next words that come out of his mouth._

_Jake, for his part, looks like he’s working very hard on picking his next words carefully, “Soulmates aren’t something we understand. The bonds between them run deeper than anything else. Just remember that there’s always a reason that two people are soulmates – and those reasons may not be clear now but they’ll reveal themselves at some point. I just want to make sure that you’re prepared for that because Clarke is my little girl and I won’t see her getting hurt – and I don’t mean by you, just by the situation in general. You’re the adult, Bellamy – you hold the power. Make sure you make the right decisions, even if they’re hard.”_

_Bellamy nods, “I know, I understand. I promise you, Jake, Clarke is the priority. I’ll do everything I can to keep her safe and happy.”_

-

Bellamy had really believed those words when he said them – he just hadn’t realised exactly how hard it was going to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's chapter one - a very backgroundy setting one I know but the drama starts up next one
> 
> Hope you like the idea, and comments/feedback honestly makes my day so I would love to hear what you're thinking
> 
> See you next week xoxo


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again! Thank you so much for all the kudos and comments, I really appreciate every single one!
> 
> There's a good three year jump between the first chapter and this one sorry but also not sorry I wanted to get to the fun stuff to write
> 
> This chapter we meet Finn and Bellamy is not a fan (ofc)
> 
> Hope you enjoy xoxo

Bellamy rolls his eyes at the sound of Octavia slamming her bedroom door shut (yet again). One of these days she was going to slam it so hard that it came off its hinges – and he won’t be the one to fix it when it does. Octavia’s been through a lot of phases over the recent years. There were the six months she decided she wanted to be a baker until she got bored of it – the plans of becoming a professional skateboarder which were quickly benched after a nasty tumble which resulted in a trip to the hospital and a fractured wrist – and currently, at sixteen, she’s decided she wants to fight against every little thing Bellamy suggests. He is very quickly losing his patience with her. The house has been a complete warzone for the past couple of weeks - insults and shouting matches and screaming fits almost daily. It’s exhausting, honestly.

Bellamy _knows_ that it’s just normal teenage behaviour – Jake and Abby have assured him that Clarke is quite the same when she’s at home (and knowing Clarke’s temperament Bellamy doesn’t struggle to believe this, even if she is always an angel around him). He understands that Octavia is simply acting out because she can. He has complete faith in his sister that if something ever really was wrong that she would come to him – or Clarke would – that girl could not keep a secret to save her life and had absolutely no poker face. The point is that Octavia is being a little shit simply because she can, and Bellamy has no clue how to make her stop and fix the edgy atmosphere in the house. Today, as an example, all he had done was suggest that _maybe_ Octavia should do her homework instead of lying around complaining how bored she was and a few moments later he was being told to ‘fuck off and stay out of her life’. Charming.

An hour later she’s back downstairs, this time with a packed bag and an announcement that she’s going to sleep over at Clarke’s – which again, hasn’t been at all uncommon in the recent weeks. Bellamy isn’t about to complain – if Octavia is at the Griffin’s then she can’t argue with him, and he has the house to himself. It’s a win-win. She doesn’t even ask for a lift so she must be seriously pissed today.

Being home alone is lovely – it’s quiet, peaceful and there are no teenage girls to complain about his documentaries. Whenever he’s watching one and they walk in they demand that he changes it, they say it’s like being at school – but he knows Clarke at least secretly enjoys them – she’s more than happy to sit with him and watch them if Octavia is doing something else.  
It’s in the small things like that he’s noticed about Clarke over the recent years, as she’s matured and grown into her own person, where Bellamy can perhaps see evidence of the compatibility between them. A crossover in TV shows and music tastes and books and opinions that he doubts he would ever share with just anyone – but that’s just how soulmates _worked_. He had been so worried those first few months after Clarke’s soulmark appeared that something would change – whether it was his own relationship with Jake or Clarke and O’s friendship – but it never did. If anything, the bonds between them had only become stronger. The soulmarks weren’t something they really talked about, but they didn’t really need to. Both he and Clarke were on the same page in the fact that pretty much ignoring them was the best policy, and they hadn’t run into any issues yet. He wasn’t naïve enough to believe that they would _never_ need to talk about them, but for now everything was working out just fine.

Bellamy debates inviting Miller over – but quickly decides he’d prefer to spend the night on his own. Miller is his best friend – actually one of his only friends, if he’s being honest. It hadn’t been easy to make friends when he’d first moved to Arkadia. Most of the people he met that were his own age were focused on partying and having a good time and decidedly not having to spend all of their spare time caring for their little sister. He had actually met Miller’s dad, David, first. David was one of the senior managers at work, and when Miller had dropped out of college, he’d managed to get a job at the security firm. He had a dry sense of humour and was incredibly sarcastic – Bellamy had liked him from day one. 

Tonight though, Bellamy wanted to enjoy his own company, eat the frozen pasta bake he found in the freezer and not have to talk to anyone. He can’t think of a better way to spend his time.

He’s about halfway through a documentary about the disappearance of the 9th legion of the Imperial Roman army when his phone rings. It’s Jake. Bellamy immediately panics – because currently there was no other reason he would have to call except Octavia.

Bellamy is correct to panic, it turns out – seeing as Jake believes Clarke is sleeping over at _his_ house tonight. Both girls had told their respective parental-figures that they were staying at the others, and now none of them knew where they were and they weren’t picking up their phones.

Bellamy comes _extremely_ close to losing his shit. Jake and Abby talk him down though, and are somehow remaining calm. In fact, they seem to be finding it _funny_.

“How are you not freaking out right now?” He questions over the phone, because he most definitely _is_. His little sister and her best friend (his _soulmate_ ) have apparently dropped off the face of the planet. What if they were running away? What if Octavia was actually really unhappy at home, or trying to teach him a lesson or prove a point and she’d dragged Clarke into some scheme? What if he never saw either of them again?

“They’re teenagers Bellamy, this was going to happen sooner or later. It’s a Friday night – they’re probably at a party.” Jake reassures him and it’s definitely a more reasonable idea than some of the things Bellamy’s brain had been coming up with. Although, Bellamy isn’t convinced that he’s supposed to be _reassured_ by the idea of Octavia and Clarke at a _party_ , they could be dangerous places. They could drink too much and get alcohol poisoning or do dangerous drugs or get murdered or _anything_.

Okay. Maybe he did need to calm down a little bit.

“Are you not angry that they lied?” Is Bellamy’s next question (because he definitely is). Even with the way Octavia has been acting, he still never thought she’d _lie_ to him.

“Oh, definitely. Clarke is going to be extremely grounded – but I wouldn’t panic too much just yet Bellamy.” Abby responds dryly.

Abby and Jake are right, as always. Octavia _finally_ picks up her phone and – after realising that there’s no way she’s getting out of this unscathed - tells him that they’re at some house party across town. He doesn’t give her an option about him picking them up, just tells Octavia that she and Clarke should be waiting outside the house in fifteen minutes. 

Bellamy makes it to the house in ten. He parks his car and stares at the front door. He has no qualms about marching in there and getting them out as soon as the fifteen minutes is up. He isn’t angry about them being at a party – honestly – he’s angrier that they lied about where they were and then didn’t pick up their phones for hours. That’s why he’s mad. 

He might also be a _teensy_ bit mad about them going to a party.

To their credit, Octavia and Clarke do emerge from the house a couple of minutes later, but that’s the only credit they get. He didn’t even know they _owned_ dresses like the ones they had on now. They’re short and tight and definitely unsuitable for sixteen-year olds, in his humble opinion. 

Things get worse.

Octavia leaves the house first – followed by Clarke who’s got some _boy_ hanging all over her. Well, his arm is wrapped around her shoulders – fingers resting over her soulmark - _their_ soulmark. She’s laughing at something he says – and then she _kisses_ him. Bellamy feels his jaw tighten and his fingers flex round the steering wall. Clarke’s probably drunk and this _fucker_ is probably taking advantage of her inebriated state and who the fuck does the floppy-haired bastard even think he _is_ kissing a girl with his hands all over her soulmark and –

Bellamy really needed to stop. Clarke was sixteen and allowed to kiss boys at parties if she wanted to. It was nothing to do with him – nothing at all. If it was _Octavia_ kissing some random boy then _maybe_ – but he was just here to take Clarke home. Nothing else. 

Christ, he feels about ten years older than he had when he woke up this morning. 

The girls are silent when they get in the car. So is Bellamy. He doesn’t even know where to begin. Octavia has a jacket on, but Clarke doesn’t and he can tell that she’s cold from the way she has her arms wrapped around her body. He lets out a dramatic sigh and pulls his hoodie off, throwing it towards the backseat with a gritted, “Put that on.”

Clarke glares at him, but pulls the jacket over her shoulders anyway.

He starts driving, the car still awkwardly silent but the tension is obvious. It’s Octavia that breaks it, of course. 

“Just say whatever you want to say, Bellamy.” 

Okay, if she wanted him to, he would.

“What the _fuck_ were you two thinking?” Bellamy’s voice is slightly louder than he’d intended.

“We were _thinking_ that we wanted to go to a party.” Octavia sounds bored – tone full of attitude. He almost wants to admire her bare-faced cheek. She’s so obviously in the wrong but she still wants to fight about it.

“Not about the party. About lying to me and to Abby and Jake about where you were. What would have happened if there was an emergency?” Bellamy bites back.

“Well you got hold of us easily enough.” Octavia retorts.

“No, I didn’t, O! It took you _hours_ to pick up your phone – and don’t act like you hadn’t seen the messages before. We both know you take your phone everywhere with you. You were ignoring me and Clarke you were ignoring your parents because you knew you’d been caught out and that isn’t okay.” Bellamy scolds, turning round while they’re stopped at a traffic light to ensure that both of the girls in the car are paying attention to what he’s saying.

Octavia is paying attention, but her eye-roll tells him everything he needs to know about what she feels about that, “We just wanted to have a good night.” 

“Well you should have asked.” Bellamy speaks through gritted teeth.

Octavia snorts, “Like you would have let us go.”

“Maybe, maybe not. But let me tell you that I definitely won’t be letting you go to anymore parties anytime soon. You’re so fucking grounded Octavia, and I mean it.” Bellamy berates. He usually tries to avoid lecturing at Octavia – mainly because he knows it doesn’t really _work_ but tonight he’ll make an exception.

“So fucking dramatic.” She huffs under her breath.

Bellamy flexes a fist around the steering wheel, “You want to see dramatic? Fucking look at yourself for once. You’re the one who fucked up here, and honestly, you’ve been acting like shit for weeks now! I’m tired of it, O. Get some fucking perspective. Anything could have happened tonight and no one knew where you were. It was irresponsible and stupid of you and I don’t want to hear another fucking word unless it’s an apology.”

Octavia doesn’t reply. Bellamy feels kind of bad – he doesn’t lose his temper often, and he’ll apologise for it tomorrow but right now he’s tired and stressed and doesn’t have the energy to deal with another Octavia meltdown. His mood also isn’t helped by the image of Clarke and that _guy_ kissing, which is playing over and over in his head. He almost wants to ask who it was, but that would just embarrass her and he doesn’t want that – he just wants to _know_. To make sure that she’s safe. That’s it.

Clarke doesn’t say a word the entire drive home, until he parks up outside her house. She opens the car door, pauses for a moment, then apologises softly, “I’m sorry, Bellamy. For lying to you. I know it wasn’t okay. Don’t be too mad at O, it was my idea. Finn invited me to the party and I didn’t want to go on my own. I didn’t think about how worried you’d be if you didn’t know where we were. I am really sorry.”

Finn? Is that the boy she was with? Bellamy has to stop himself blurting out that very question, instead just responding with, “I know, Princess. I’ll see you soon.” He can’t really be mad at her, ever. Sure, she’s annoying sometimes, and she can be so bossy it’s unreal but she’s also somehow just so _sweet_ at the same time.

She’s inside the house before he realises that she’s still wearing his jacket. 

-

The next morning Bellamy busies himself in the kitchen frying up some bacon, eggs and toast. Even if she’s mad, Octavia can _never_ resist bacon. Sure enough, a few minutes after he’s started cooking, she’s downstairs and sitting herself down at the kitchen table, making sure to glare at him as she does so.

When they’d got home last night she hadn’t said a word to him, just headed straight upstairs to get ready for bed. She’d clearly had a few drinks, but she wasn’t _drunk_ , which he supposes is something to be grateful for. 

He serves up the food and they eat in silence. Once she’s finished Octavia goes to get up and head back to her room, but Bellamy speaks before she can leave the kitchen.

“We need to talk, O. I know you don’t think you’ve really done anything wrong, but please try and understand where I’m coming from.” 

“Fine.” Is the muttered response he receives as she sits back down opposite him.

Bellamy takes a deep breath. He had spent longer than he wanted to admit trying to work out exactly what he was supposed to say to get Octavia to understand why he was so upset, and he still wasn’t really sure what was about to come out of his mouth. “I – when I found out you weren’t at the Griffin’s, and that they didn’t know where you were, I was so _scared_. You could have been _anywhere_. I thought you might have gone.”

“Gone where?” Octavia questions, sounding thoroughly unimpressed with his explanation.

“I don’t _know_ , O. That’s the point,” Bellamy responds with a sigh, “You clearly haven’t wanted to be at home recently, or at least anywhere near me. I thought – I don’t know – that maybe something was really wrong and you were in trouble somewhere or running away and I know I was being crazy but I just-“

Bellamy isn’t expecting the tears that he see’s welling up in Octavia’s eyes, and they distract him from where he was going.

“O, what’s wrong? I didn’t –“

Octavia cuts him off, voice choked, “I wouldn’t do that Bell – I wouldn’t leave you. I never meant to make you feel like that. You’re all I have.”

He knows that, he _does_ , but Bellamy didn’t realise how much he needed to hear it until the words actually left his sister’s mouth.

“Act like it sometimes, then.” He’s aiming for teasing – but there’s a sudden lump in his throat and it’s a lot less light-hearted than he intended it to be.

“I try – but you’re just so – _annoying_ \- sometimes.” Octavia sniffles, but she lets out a wet laugh. She knew he was trying to lighten the mood.

“Yeah well that’s kind of my job.” Bellamy retorts in a similar fashion.

“Dumbass.” Octavia sasses with a smile.

“Brat,” Bellamy ripostes, “How about this. I’ll try to be less annoying, and you can try not to completely bite my head off if I _do_ annoy you. Deal?”

“Deal.”

-

“I still cannot _believe_ Harper actually said that – did you ask Monty what he thought?” Are the first words Bellamy hears as he enters the house from work. A quick glance into the living room confirms his assumption that Octavia was laid out on the sofa on facetime to Clarke, _again_. The two were both still grounded, and although they still spent everyday at school together, for some reason they still had to be talking constantly when they were separated.

“Hey, O. Did you have a good day?” He asks.

Octavia half turns to look at him, obviously a lot more interested about finding out what Monty thought about what Harper said, “Oh. Yeah. Hi,” She turns back to the camera, “Sorry, Bell was talking. How is Jasper involved again?”

Clarke immediately launches into some spiel about high school drama that Bellamy doesn’t hear most of – instead wandering into the kitchen to get himself a drink and a snack. By the time he’s back in the living room the conversation has moved on to something he _may_ find a little bit more interesting. Finn Collins.

It turns out that he _was_ the boy Clarke was with at the party. Octavia being grounded had led to her actually talking to him a lot more, and this included telling him all about Clarke’s new possible-relationship. From what Octavia had told him and Clarke had said over facetime, Bellamy knew that Finn was in the grade above the girls, had been hanging out with them at school for the past couple of weeks and had been messaging Clarke pretty consistently since the party. They were planning on going on a ‘proper’ date when she wasn’t grounded anymore, and apparently neither Clarke or Octavia could go more than five minutes without bringing it up. 

It was fine, he got it. They were both excited, he just wanted to make sure that he was good for her – not just a typical high school fuckboy that would hurt her. Clarke deserved better than that.

“He’s asking if I want to go see a movie or go out for dinner. What do you think?” He hears Clarke ask.

The guy wouldn’t take her for dinner _and_ a movie? Cheapskate.

“What do you think Bell?” Octavia questions, clearly having seen the disgruntled look on his face.

“If you _have_ to choose between them then dinner, for sure. You can actually talk and get to know each other – and also you can find out if he likes weird food. Remember, if he’s a dick to the servers he’ll probably be a dick to you too.” He informs, very helpfully, he thinks. 

“Thanks,” He can hear Clarke’s excitement over the phone, “Dinner it is then.”

-

His advice is clearly good advice, if the decrease in the amount of times that he sees Clarke is anything to go by. He’s also going by the amount that Clarke _talks_ about Finn when Bellamy _does_ see her. Spoiler – it’s all the fucking time. Not that he has a problem with that, not at all, there’s just so many times he can hear about how amazing Finn is before it gets a little bit boring.

Bellamy doesn’t even meet Finn properly for _months_. When he finally does it’s on Octavia’s birthday. She’s having a few friends round for pizza and movies and those few friends include Finn - Bellamy knows that he’s been introduced to Jake and Abby, so it’s definitely serious (whatever serious _is_ for high-schoolers anyway). Bellamy is also given permission from Octavia to invite Miller so that he isn’t stuck with a bunch of teenagers for the entire evening, which he is definitely grateful for.

He can see why Clarke likes Finn; he supposes. The boy is full of smiles and over the course of the evening he proves himself to be extremely charismatic. He definitely knows how to charm his way through a crowd (by which Bellamy means that Finn talks, a _lot_ ), but honestly, most of what he’s saying sounds a lot like shit. Also, he seems incredibly proud of his hair but it actually just looks stupid.

Bellamy _knows_ boys like Finn Collins – hell – he has a sneaking suspicion that he _was_ a boy like Finn when he was seventeen – all charming smiles and flirty comments – it’s ridiculous. He also can’t help but notice the fact that Finn is permanently _touching_ Clarke. It’s only ever a hand on her leg or an arm round her shoulders but seriously, does this boy not get the concept of personal space? Despite his _reservations_ about Finn, Bellamy thinks that he’s done a very good job of hiding his distaste for Clarke’s _boyfriend_. Until, that is, the only people left in the house are himself, Miller, Octavia and Clarke.

The latter turns on him almost as soon as the front door shuts behind the last guests.

“What the fuck was that, Bellamy?” Clarke hurls at him, tone somewhere between anger and disappointment.

Bellamy is slightly taken aback, but he manages to gather himself quite quickly, “What was _what_ , Princess?”

“All that shit with Finn!” Clarke cries out, “You undermined and questioned everything he said and you kept rolling your eyes and glaring and being a complete dick! It was embarrassing!” 

Okay. Perhaps Bellamy _hadn’t_ done such a good job at hiding his dislike for Finn. His bad. For some reason, though, he finds that he isn’t quite willing to back down from this argument.

“Well maybe I wouldn’t have acted like that if he wasn’t a complete idiot, Clarke.”

“He _wasn’t_ , Bellamy,” Clarke sputters out, “The only person being an idiot tonight was you!”

“And why’s that? Because I didn’t fall for his fake charisma and ridiculous stories. He expects me to believe that he jumped into a freezing river to save a kitten? Please.” Bellamy retorts. Honestly, he doesn’t know how Finn expected _anyone_ to believe half of what had come out of his mouth.

“He did do that! I was there!” Clarke retaliates, eyes blazing, “If you’d have actually listened to him instead of just attempting to intimidate him with your angry eyes and stupid comments then maybe you would have known that.”

“Well that’s not the point, anyway.” Bellamy huffs, “The point is that your boyfriend is a moron.”

“No, it’s not – the point is that you’re obviously jealous.” Clarke bites back, clearly extremely incensed by his words.

“Jealous?” Bellamy remarks incredulously, “You’ve got to be kidding.” What does he even have to be jealous of? No. Clarke is just pissed at him for being honest and is trying to get a rise out of him. It might be working.

“Well what other explanation is there? You’re the only one who’s decided that Finn’s some awful person. My parents like him, O likes him, _I_ like him. You’re the only person that thinks differently and I can think of one reason why that is.” Clarke rages, narrowing her eyes at the sight of Bellamy rolling his.

“Come on. _If_ I was going to be jealous, Clarke, it wouldn’t be of some high school boyfriend that you won’t be with in a couple of months. Get real.” He makes sure to emphasise the _if_ , just to make sure that she (and Octavia and Miller who he _knows_ are listening to every word from the kitchen), know how ridiculous that concept would be. Jealous of Finn Collins? Get out.

“Me and Finn _are_ real. He loves me.” Clarke insists, spitting the words at Bellamy through gritted teeth. He isn’t sure if he’s ever seen her this angry – and she’s definitely never been this angry at _him_.

“Oh, I’m sure he does, Clarke. Seeing as you’re so naïve I’ll spell it out for you. He loves you now, but soon enough he’ll get bored, play the ‘it’s not you it’s me’ card and move on to some other girl because that’s what boys like him _do_.” Bellamy knows he’s gone too far as soon as the words leave his mouth. The tears rising in Clarke’s eyes are proof of that, and it feels like a sucker punch to the stomach. He’s seen Clarke cry before but he’s never been the one that made it _happen_.

Clarke doesn’t say anything else, just turns away and runs up the stairs. Octavia follows, hissing a very much deserved “dickhead” at him as she rushes past.

Bellamy doesn’t know what to do – or why he just did that. All he knows is that he’s extremely wound up and is really getting the urge to punch something. 

“Well, that wasn’t pretty.”

 _Something_ , has quickly become Miller with that comment. Bellamy whirls round to find his best friend staring at him with a raised eyebrow and an extremely unimpressed look on his face.

“I know,” Bellamy mutters, taking a deep breath and allowing some of the tension in his body to deflate, “But tell me you don’t think the same as me. That kid was so smarmy and full of himself.”

“Yeah, he was,” Miller agrees, “But he also did absolutely nothing to even imply that he isn’t good to Clarke. You, on the other hand.”

“Oh, shut up, Miller.” Bellamy groans. He knows he fucked up, okay? He doesn’t need telling.

Miller, unfortunately, does not shut up, “She has a point, you know.” 

“Huh?”

“Clarke,” Miller specifies, “About you being jealous.”

“No, she doesn’t,” Bellamy splutters out. What is Miller talking about? “Why would I be jealous? She’s a _kid_ \- she’s like a little sister.”

“No, she isn’t, Bellamy. You can say that as much as you want, but she isn’t like a little sister because she’s your _soulmate_ , and _clearly_ that fact isn’t something you can ignore like you want to.” Miller speaks calmly, like he isn’t ripping down every wall Bellamy had built up about the _soulmate_ thing.

“It’s not like that, Miller. I don’t want to be with her like that.” Bellamy insists, because it’s true. Surely people don’t think that he’s just… _waiting_.

“I know that,” Miller speaks quickly, clearly attempting to calm Bellamy somewhat, “But you do need to acknowledge the fact that, for all intents and purposes, according to the universe and your DNA, you and Clarke are a perfect match. You're _soulmates_ , and that is going to effect how you feel about her and the relationships she has with other people, whether you like it or not.”

“It’s not _fair_ ,” It feels a little pathetic saying that, but it’s _true_. None of this is far on either of them, “I just want to see her happy. I honestly don’t care that she’s with someone else – I _want_ her to be with someone, but Finn just rubs me up the wrong way. They won’t last. I don’t want to see her get hurt.”

Miller gives him a comforting pat on the shoulder, “Maybe they won’t last, but they’re in high school. Most high school relationships don’t – it doesn’t mean they should just be avoided. Finn makes her happy right now and that’s what you need to focus on, because right now you’re the only one hurting her.” 

Bellamy lets out a heavy breath, “How are you so smart and sensible and shit? You’re a college drop-out, you shouldn’t have those skills.”

“What can I say,” Miller chuckles, “I’m blessed with many talents.”

Bellamy glances towards the stairs, guilt clawing at his stomach as he thinks about how upset Clarke was, _is_ , “I should apologise.”

“You should,” Miller agrees, “But I’d wait until tomorrow. Give both of you time to calm down.”

Miller’s right, of course. Going to talk to Clarke right now would achieve nothing. It would probably just make everything worse – not that it felt like things _could_ get worse right now – and it was all on him.

All Bellamy knows is that he’s _really_ screwed up, and now he has to work out how to fix it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There we go. Just to let you know I'm already behind schedule so there's probs gonna be more than 10 chapters, but I'll update the chapter count when I have a better idea of where things are going to fit.
> 
> I'd love to know your thoughts 
> 
> Thanks for reading and I'll see you next week xoxo


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back again!!
> 
> Here's the next chapter, just a little pre-warning that the ending a/n is longggg cause it's pretty much just me summarising my feelings about the finale and I needed to get them out somewhere (so feel free to ignore it).
> 
> Once again thank you for all the feedback, I'm so happy with the response to this story it's unreal and I hope I'm keeping you all interested.
> 
> Just a slight cw for underage drinking if that is an issue for anyone
> 
> Please enjoy xoxo

Bellamy does not sleep well that night. The guilt in his stomach doesn’t dissipate, it just grows and mutates the more he thinks about the hurt he caused Clarke – the tears _he_ created. 

Octavia is the first person that he sees the next morning. More accurately, he had been waiting to hear her leave her room and head into the kitchen, and when she does, he follows her downstairs. She glares at him when he walks in. He deserves it.

“I’m sorry, O,” There’s no point in beating around the bush, he’s got some serious making up to do, “I know I was a dick last night.”

Octavia is more than happy to agree with him, shooting him an acerbic smile, “You were. It’s not me you need to apologise to, though.”

“It is. It was your birthday and I ruined it.” Bellamy sighs. The more he thinks about his actions yesterday the less he actually has any idea what he was thinking. Well, he _wasn’t_ thinking, that was the whole point, wasn’t it? He let himself get wound up and pissed off and it wasn’t okay.

Octavia considers his words for a moment as she pours boiling water into a couple of mugs, “Yeah. Actually, you’re right. You do owe me an apology as well.”

“I know. I am really sorry, please believe me. I shouldn’t have acted that way.” He’s hoping that Octavia can tell just how guilty he feels and will accept the apology he’s offering.

Bellamy thinks the hum of acknowledgement he receives means that she does.

“Is Clarke up?” He queries.

“Yeah,” Octavia informs him, “She’s not happy though. She’s refusing to get out of bed and she definitely isn’t excited about seeing you. I was gonna make her a cup of tea.”

“I’ll take it up to her.” Bellamy offers. He hates knowing that he’s upset Clarke so much – that it’s all his fault she’s hurting. It’s the opposite of what he’s supposed to do – it’s literally wired in his DNA to look after her.

“Go for it,” Octavia hands the mug of tea to him before continuing, “You know your opinion really matters to her, Bellamy, and you really fucked up last night. I know I don’t really get the whole soulmate thing – and I know that you two don’t either – but whatever last night was, it wasn’t okay.”

“I know,” He exhales, “I’m gonna sort it.”

Bellamy takes the tea upstairs and knocks on the bedroom door, “Can I come in?” 

Clarke takes a _very_ long moment to respond, he almost thinks she’s going to say no, but in the end she mumbles out a yes.

Octavia was definitely correct when she said that Clarke wasn’t happy. He walks into the room to see the blonde sat on the bed wrapped up in multiple blankets – eyes red and face stony as she glares at him.

“I’ve got your tea,” Bellamy hands the cup to Clarke, who huffs but takes it from him anyway, “Can I sit?”

Clarke nods and Bellamy sits down on the bed opposite her. She takes a sip of the tea and raises her eyebrows at him, a silent instruction to start talking. He takes a deep breath.

“I’m really sorry, Clarke. I swear. The things I said last night weren’t okay and they weren’t fair and I wish I could take them back.” He had planned on something a little more eloquent, if he was being honest, but he figures that his words will at least be easily understood.

“Why did you say them in the first place, then?” Clarke questions accusatorily. It’s a very fair response.

“I don’t know,” Bellamy begins, but he can tell that Clarke doesn’t like that by the way her eyes narrow at him, so he tries something else, “I won’t lie to you – I didn’t really like what I saw of Finn yesterday on a personal level, but that doesn’t mean it gives me a right to comment on your relationship. I think I was frustrated that you can’t see what I saw – but you know him a lot better than I do. It’s a _lot_ more likely that I don’t know what you do about him, and who knows? My opinions on him could definitely change. I just – I want you to be happy, and as long as Finn makes you happy then that’s what matters. Not what I think.”

“But what you think _does_ matter, Bellamy,” Clarke stresses, “You know that. Like what I think matters to you, I hope.”

“It does, Princess. Never think that it doesn’t,” Bellamy reassures her, to hear her even questioning that just drives home the idea that he’s been considering all night – that perhaps they _should_ have talked about the soulmarks more as Clarke has grown up. Clearly not just for her but for him too. Well, no time like the present, “I know that we pretty much ignore the marks – or that we don’t _talk_ about it at least– but if you want to talk about it or you have questions, that’s okay. We _can_ talk about it. I mean, I don’t really know how many answers I can give you, but I can try.”

Clarke keeps her eyes trained on Bellamy as he finishes speaking, apparently considering his words very carefully before she responds, “I haven’t told Finn.”

Oh. Bellamy isn’t sure that was what he was expecting her to say. He honestly hadn’t even thought about whether Finn knew or not, but thinking about it for more than few seconds tells him that it’s something he definitely should have considered, “Why not?”

“I don’t know. It’s weird, isn’t it? People usually find their soulmates and then that’s it, but not for us. I don’t know if Finn would get it.” Clarke explains, and he can hear the uncertainty and insecurity in her voice. Something Bellamy hadn’t even thought about is clearly something she had spent a lot of energy considering.

Bellamy wants to say that if Finn is the one for her, then he’ll have to find out at some point – and if he doesn’t understand then he’s a dick that doesn’t deserve her, but that isn’t what Clarke needs to hear right now. She needs reassurance, and Bellamy can give that to her, “You’re right. It’s a complicated situation, and you don’t owe it to anyone to explain it or tell them if you don’t want to. It’s entirely up to you.”

Clarke nods in response, hands still clasped around her mug of tea when she asks, “Is that why you don’t date? Because you don’t want to tell people?”

Bellamy almost chokes on nothing. _Is_ there even a reason he hasn’t been dating? When Octavia was younger, he cited the need to focus on her, but now? “I – no – not really. I guess it’s a factor, but I haven’t found anyone who I feel strongly enough about yet to even think about bringing them home and introducing them to the people I’m close with. I’m not against finding anyone, it just hasn’t happened yet and I’m not in a rush.” Bellamy’s words are coming out of his mouth as soon as they come into his head. He really hasn’t bothered to spend that long psycho-analysing his disinterest in a relationship, but as soon as the words left Clarke’s mouth a deep-dive began in his brain.

Clarke shrugs as if she’s saying fair enough, and takes another sip of her tea before responding nonchalantly, “Maybe you should be, you’re getting on a bit.”

She attempts to hide her cheeky smile behind the mug, but she fails. Bellamy doesn’t mind, it’s good to see her smiling again.

He gasps in mock offence, “You little brat.”

Clarke giggles.

“Am I forgiven?” Bellamy asks hopefully. Clarke seems happy enough now but he needs to be sure.

“I guess,” Clarke concedes, “Just be nice to Finn. He isn’t going anywhere. Even if he doesn’t know everything, he does know you’re important to me. He wants you to like him.”

“I will, Princess.” Bellamy agrees. He and Clarke both know that there’s a silent _try_ resting on the end of that sentence, but it’s good enough for now.

-

In Bellamy’s defence, he does _really_ try. The next few times he sees Finn he listens to the boy’s dramatic tales and does his best not to scoff and roll his eyes at the particularly unbelievable moments. He does his best not to glare when Finn’s hands refuse to move from Clarke’s waist and he whispers something in her ear that makes her laugh and blush but it’s just so _hard_. Bellamy had honestly thought that Finn would improve the more he got to know him – that perhaps that first day he had just been trying too hard – but no, Finn really _was_ just like that. He doesn’t know how Clarke has lasted so many months in almost constant contact with him. Bellamy gets the urge to claw his own ears off whenever Finn opens his mouth – but - like Miller had said, it was Clarke’s choice, and Clarke was happy, and that was what mattered.

-

Bellamy shoves the laundry in the washing machine, his _third_ load of the day, thank you very much. He really shouldn’t have let it stack up so much, but he’d been working so much overtime and as many times as he asked Octavia to do some, she always seemed to _forget_. Today, however, he had an unexpected day off due to Miller asking him to swap a shift, and he was taking advantage of his empty house to get some much-needed household work done.

Or he is, until he hears the sound of the front door being unlocked and someone coming in and throwing themselves on to the sofa. He glances at the time. It’s just passed one o’clock – definitely not the time for Octavia to be home from school. He swears, if she’s ditching then she’s so going to be grounded again. She probably thought he was at work. Well, he’d show her.

To his surprise, however, it isn’t Octavia curled up on the sofa – it’s Clarke. It honestly hadn’t crossed his mind that she would be the one ditching. It wasn’t like her. Clarke was a dedicated student – she had big plans to go to a top university and she was working hard to get there.

Bellamy clears his throat from the doorway and Clarke jolts, twisting her head to face him with a look of horror on her face. He almost feels bad about scaring her – but he doesn’t. She’s not supposed to be here.

“I thought you were at work!” She squawks.

“Day off,” Bellamy says as an explanation, “Why aren’t you at school?”

Clarke drops her eyes to the floor and shrugs slightly, “I didn’t want to be there.”

It’s then he notices the redness of her eyes and the smudged make up around them - suddenly he feels a lot worse about making her jump. She’s been crying.

“Princess,” Bellamy can hear the concern in his own voice, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” She forces a very fake smile on to her face, but he can already hear her voice begin to crack, “I’m fine.”

She pushes up off the sofa and goes to walk past him, seemingly to shut herself away upstairs but he grabs her arm lightly and speaks softly, “Come on, what’s happened? Talk to me.”

Clarke seems to consider his words for a moment, tears welling up in her eyes before she speaks, “You were right.”

“What?” 

“About Finn. You were right.”

Bellamy feels a very strong wave of anger rush through his body. He swears, if that boy has hurt her at all then he will _not_ be held responsible for his actions.

“What did he do?” He questions through gritted teeth.

Clarke lets out a dejected sniffle, “He has another girlfriend. Or had one. For the past two years.”

Bellamy can’t _believe_ it. For every reason that he disliked Finn, he had honestly thought that he was _good_ to Clarke. He had never once seen any outward evidence of Finn disrespecting her or lying to her. Bellamy should have _known_ , somehow – should have trusted his original instincts. Maybe if he had then Clarke wouldn’t be here now, standing in his living room in tears over someone that doesn’t deserve them. 

Bellamy opens his mouth to attempt to say something comforting, but Clarke cuts him off before he can, “She showed up at school today to surprise him – she’d gone to college but was coming to visit. Me and Finn were together and she just started yelling and - I found out in front of _everyone_. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so humiliated in my life. How did I not _know_ , Bell? How am I so stupid? I should have listened to you. You told me he was a dick the first time you met him but I didn’t listen.”

Bellamy lifts his hands to wipe away the streams of tears running down Clarke’s cheeks, “Stop that. None of this is your fault. It’s all on him.”

“Yeah but I should have _known_ ,” Clarke chokes out through her sobs, “Everyone’s going to think that I did, and that I’m an awful person. He was lying to me the _entire_ time I knew him, Bell. It was all fake.”

“Come here.” Bellamy opens up his arms and Clarke is more than happy to let herself be wrapped in them. He rubs her back softly as she sobs into his chest. His heart hurts for her. Clarke deserves so much better than this. First heartbreak is always horrific, but this is so much worse than anything Bellamy would have expected. 

He’d failed her. It was his job to keep her safe and happy, and he’d failed.

“I’ll go and beat him up if you want me to.” Bellamy offers. Obviously, it’s a joke, but Bellamy thinks if she told him to then he’d do it, no questions asked. He hopes he never sees Finn again just as much as he hopes that he _does_ \- he really isn’t sure if he’ll be able to control his anger if he does. How _dare_ he treat Clarke like this?

Clarke lets out a watery laugh against his chest at the offer, but it quickly dissolves into more hiccupping sobs. Bellamy holds her until she’s all cried out, eventually peeling herself away from his shirt and looking up at him – eyes bloodshot and shiny.

“I’m sorry.” Clarke sniffles.

“What for?”

“Your top.” Clarke replies, nudging her head into the wet patch of his shirt. Bellamy sees what she means – there has been a definite transference of make up on to his front. 

“It doesn’t matter, Princess,” He assures her, trying to work out what the best course of action for cheering her up might be, “Have you eaten lunch?”

Clarke shakes her head.

“Sit down and put the TV on, I’ll go and make you a sandwich.”

By the time he’s back in the front room, Clarke is settled on the sofa with Brooklyn-99 playing on the TV – her ultimate comfort show – one of his favourites as well if he’s being honest. Octavia complains that they watch it too much, but she isn’t here so oh well.

Clarke scoffs the sandwich down – she probably hadn’t eaten breakfast either. Clarke wasn’t an early riser, and despite her attentiveness at school, actually getting there on time always proved a struggle for her and that more often than not led to her skipping breakfast. He was going to get her to break that habit one day.

Once she’s finished eating, she turns her attention back to the TV, but a few episodes in he can see her eyelids beginning to droop and before long she’s burrowing her head under his arm so she has a warm place to nap. It’s kind of adorable – she runs cold and is always searching for the warmest place in the room – and right now that happens to be him. Besides, he’s more than happy to be her makeshift pillow, especially on a day like today where she’s been through so much. 

He’ll do whatever he can to keep her happy right now.

-

Bellamy is in the middle of _thrashing_ Miller on Mario Kart when he is distracted by his phone ringing. He would ignore it, but it’s Octavia, so he can’t. He pauses the game, much to Miller’s chagrin, and answers the phone.

“Bellamy, I need a favour.” Is the first thing his sister says. It isn’t a conversation opener that fills him with hope.

“What is it, O?”

“So,” Octavia begins, voice high and sweet like it goes when she knows she’s done something wrong, “You know me and Clarke went to Raven’s house.”

“Yes.” Bellamy responds succinctly. Raven was Finn’s other girlfriend, well, ex-girlfriend. When Octavia had returned home a few days ago after they had found out about Finn’s cheating, it had been with a request from Raven to speak to Clarke about what had happened.

Clarke had agreed, and the two had met up the next day at a coffee shop – had apparently got on extremely well and Clarke and Octavia were now spending their Saturday night at Raven’s house before she returned to college. Although, something clearly hadn’t gone quite to plan if Octavia’s unexpected call was anything to go by.

“Some alcohol _may_ have been consumed by certain individuals.” O continues in that annoying voice. 

“Octavia.” Bellamy monotones, his tone of voice telling her to get to the point, and quickly.

Octavia clearly hears his unspoken words, and drops the innocent act, “Clarke is smashed. Like, ridiculously drunk. We need you to pick us up.”

“For fucks sake, O.” Bellamy admonishes, although he has to admit that he’s quite pleased that O called him instead of trying to hide it from him. It shows she trusts him. Or that she’s more worried about Clarke than what his reaction would be, which is definitely a more concerning thought.

“Sorry!” Octavia apologises over the phone, “We wanted to relax a little bit and have fun – it hasn’t been a great week obviously – Clarke just relaxed a little bit too much.”

“It’s okay,” Bellamy exhales, “Just message me the address, I’ll be there soon.” 

He apologises to Miller for having to cut their game night short, gives him all the leftover pizza as a consolation gift and heads to the car. Raven’s house is about a twenty minute drive away – Clarke had told him that she’d gone to a different school which was why no one knew about her – and those that had known had just assumed that she and Finn had broken up when he and Clarke had got together. 

Octavia lets him in when he gets to the house, smiling a little apologetically when she opens the door. He can hear drunken cackling from the hallway, and it gets louder as she shows him to the living room – and to Clarke. The blonde is lying on the floor next to a girl Bellamy assumes must be Raven. There are a few empty bottles littered around the room – some wine and vodka by the looks of things – definitely a bad combination and an explanation for Clarke’s drunkenness. Clarke and Raven are in hysterics about _something_ , although neither of them are making much sense.

“They’ve been lying there for the last hour listing every annoying thing Finn ever did.” Octavia informs him helpfully, and amused smile quirking at the corners of her mouth that he knows is also mirrored on his own face. Bellamy honestly wouldn’t mind joining them for that activity – he has a very long list. 

“Can you _believe_ he would do that?” Clarke laughs out, words slurring slightly. Bellamy thinks Octavia got her description of ‘ridiculously drunk’ spot on. He isn’t sure whether he should be mad or not – on one hand she is definitely too young to be drinking, but on the other hand she’s safe and smiling and she deserves to have some fun after what Finn did to her.

“What was he thinking? What were _we_ thinking?” Raven howls beside her, rolling over slightly and locking eyes on Bellamy, “Ooh, Clarke, your soulmate’s here.” Bellamy raises his eyes slightly at that comment – clearly they’ve been talking about more than just Finn.

Clarke turns her head, showing no signs of actually standing up “Hi, Bellamy,” She gigles, “What are you doing here?”

“I’m here to take you home.”

“Don’t wanna. I’m having fun.” Clarke complains.

“You’ve had enough fun for tonight.” Bellamy counters derisively.

“No, I haven’t,” Clarke insists, pushing herself up on to her forearms and scanning her eyes around the room “Want more wine.”

“Clarke,” Bellamy tries his best to sound serious, “I will pick you up and carry you to the car if I need to. And you clearly _don’t_ need any more wine.”

Clarke pouts at him but begins to drag herself up off the carpet, “Spoilsport.” 

“That’s me,” Bellamy reaches a hand down to help pull Clarke up, steadying her as she stumbles on to her bare feet, “Where are your shoes?”

Clarke shrugs.

Bellamy turns to the other girls, where Octavia has just similarly helped Raven off the ground, “Where are her shoes?”

“By the door somewhere, I think. Sorry about,” Raven responds, gesturing to Clarke with her hand as a way of explanation and ignoring the offended gasp that leaves the blonde’s lips, “I think she might have snuck some when I wasn’t looking. Nice to meet you, by the way.”

“I would never!” Clarke reacts, but no one else in the room is convinced.

“Sure thing Princess, now go and get your shoes,” Bellamy repeats. Clarke groans but does as he says and Bellamy turns his attention to Raven, who is haphazardly beginning to tidy the room. She doesn’t seem anywhere near as drunk as Clarke is, but he’s still unsure about leaving her on her own like this, “Will you be okay?”

Raven rolls her eyes, “Yes. I’m a college student. This is nothing.”

“If you’re sure.” Bellamy is still obviously unconvinced.

“I am,” Raven responds dryly, “They said you were overprotective- you don’t even know me and you can’t help yourself.”

Bellamy shoots a glare at Octavia, “I am not _over_ protective – I’m a good amount of protective.”

“Sure, big brother.” O remarks, helping Raven pick up the takeaway boxes. It would be nice if she’d help like that at home. 

Clarke returns, shoes on her feet but laces untied – the issue with which is shown when she trips over them and almost ends up back on the floor.  
Octavia and Raven burst out laughing, and Bellamy has to fight not to. Drunk Clarke is a liability, it seems.

“Do your laces up, or you’re just gonna fall over.” Bellamy suggests.

“I can’t,” Clarke whines, flobbing down on to the sofa, “You do them.”

“You’re a menace, you know that?” Bellamy sighs, crouching down to do her laces up anyway. The happy sound Clarke makes implies that she knows exactly how much of a menace she is, she just doesn’t care. 

Bellamy doesn’t really care either.

-

Clarke doesn’t emerge from Octavia’s room until the early hours of the afternoon the next day, not that Bellamy had been expecting to see her any earlier. Getting her into bed last night had been a _mission_. First, she had requested food, and wouldn’t stop until Bellamy had made her a grilled cheese which she took two bites of and promptly announced that she was full. Then he and Octavia had spent half an hour convincing Clarke not to call Finn and ‘tell him he’s a fucking dick’, not that they disagreed with the sentiment. Finally, she had announced that she wasn’t tired and was going to watch a film. She made it twenty minutes in before passing out on the sofa and Bellamy had to carry her to bed. In conclusion, Clarke was a messy drunk – still funny, though.

She throws herself onto the sofa next to Bellamy with a dramatic sigh.

“I’m sorry about yesterday. Think I might have overdone it a bit.” Clarke apologises, looking up at him a bit apprehensively.

“Just a bit, Princess,” Bellamy responds dryly, a teasing lilt to his voice that disappears at his next words, “I’m not mad that you got drunk. You and O seem to forget it wasn’t _that_ long ago that I was your age, just don’t make it a common occurrence. Especially not when you’re upset or hurt – alcohol isn’t a coping mechanism you want.”

“Yeah, I know. Thanks, for everything, I guess,” Clarke responds. Bellamy can tell she wants to say something else though, so he stays silent and waits for her to feel ready to say it, “Finn and Raven are soulmates, you know?”  
“No, I don’t think you actually mentioned that last night.” Bellay answers. That explains why Raven knew that he was Clarke’s soulmate.

“Oh, well they are. I just – I don’t get it. Why would he ruin his relationship with his literal perfect match? He said he did really like me – that he was planning on breaking up with her, but surely he was lying. People don’t give up on their soulmates for someone else, do they? What’s the point of that when you know that your soulmate is someone that can make you happy forever? I mean, it’s different for us because we’re not together, but he was _with_ Raven, they were happy and he just fucked it all up. For what? For me? It’s not like I’m anything special.” Clarke misereres.

Bellamy almost scoffs at the sound of Clarke saying she isn’t special – he might be looking at her through soulmate-tinted glasses but she might be the most _special_ person he knows.

“You really want to know what I think?”

Clarke nods.

“I think Finn was bored – that perhaps long distance wasn’t as easy as he thought it was going to be and that might have changed his feelings about his relationship with Raven. Even though soulmates are perfect matches, it’s still a relationship and relationships require work,” Bellamy expresses, “Finn chose to put his effort into a relationship with you rather than his relationship with Raven. Obviously, he’s an absolute twat, but that doesn’t mean that he was just using you while Raven wasn’t here – that he felt nothing for you. We don’t know what he would have done in the future, but don’t ever feel like you aren’t special because of what he did or didn’t do. Never let _anyone_ make you feel like you aren’t special, because you _are_.”

“You really think so?” Clarke questions, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth.

“I do, Princess. I really do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There we have it, next chapter is gonna be a Clarke pov so we can have a nice catch up about her feelings (trust me she's got _a lot_ of them)
> 
> I would love to know what you're thinking about the fic xoxo
> 
> Now for my feelings about the finale (literally this is just me yeeting my feelings into the void please don't feel like you have to read this)
> 
> I know there are lots of issues with it narratively and the entirety of season 7 being a shit show helps absolutely nothing but I honestly do like the ending – or the concept of it at least. The people that Clarke loves and that love her choosing not to transcend and instead spend the rest of their days living peacefully with her is a beautiful idea. Obvs the execution – not so much, _but_ , from the place the season had gotten to by the time the finale was starting, the ending was a lot more satisfactory than I thought it would be.
> 
> The way Bellamy as a character was treated this season was horrific and he should have been on that fucking beach but _trying_ to ignore that and choosing to focus on the themes of the ending scene more than the actual content calms me a lot more than thinking about all the shit that went so badly this season.
> 
> Clarke and the other mains are _happy_. She knows she is loved – they made their choice to give up on everlasting peace to live out a mortal existence with the family that they found. They went through so much pain and suffering – and when given the choice to transcend they instead chose to be with the people they went through all that pain _for_.
> 
> Was season 7 absolute shit? For sure. Did Bellamy deserve better? 100%. Can I look at the final scene and take comfort in the fact that the remaining characters will finally get to experience peace and heal from their traumas? Absolutely.
> 
> I know lots of people don't agree with this - but honestly I'm looking at it and understanding it in the way that makes me feel best, and that's something we're all allowed to do. Your interpretation of the show isn't wrong just because it differs from other peoples. I know it’s easier said than done but what I'm doing is trying not to spiral and think about things too deeply because there will never be answers that make sense. Instead, I'm taking the ending at face value. The characters are happy and at peace and will remain that way for the rest of their lives. It’s what they deserve. (I also _absolutely_ have a hc that Clarke and Murphy are the final two survivors – cockroach club ftw). 
> 
> Okay that's it. I literally know no one that watches the show so this was the best place for me to talk about this, if you've read this all then well done, thanks for reading and I'll see you next week xoxo


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I'm so sorry I missed last weeks update, I got very busy but this week you get a bit of a longer chapter to make up for it
> 
> This ones called people pining and being stupid
> 
> The first half is Clarke's pov, and it swaps to Bellamy's for the second half (have popped some **** in just to try and make it obvious)
> 
> Hope you like it xoxo

Clarke cannot believe her fucking luck. She had been looking forward to this day for literal _months_. She and Octavia had planned a trip to the art museum in the city followed by an afternoon of shopping _months_ ago, towards the beginning of the summer holidays. However, Octavia had got a summer job and her shifts never seemed to line up with Clarke’s free days. Clarke herself had spent half her summer taking preparatory classes at the local college – doing everything she could to ensure her college applications were perfect despite assurances that she already had enough to get accepted into the top colleges she wanted to attend. She just needed to be sure, okay? If she didn’t get in where she wanted, she didn’t want to be able to regret not taking any chances offered to her.

 _Finally_ , the weekend before the start of the new school term, (their _final_ year), Clarke and Octavia had made it into the city, both buzzing with anticipation at the prospect of a day fully to themselves to enjoy and do whatever they wanted. Octavia, however, was buzzing with a whole different kind of excitement when they headed into the gallery and promptly walked straight into her _soulmate_. Literally – they had rounded a corner and Octavia collided with a mountain of a man who, after apologising profusely, had glanced down at her leg and cursed in amazement.

Clarke isn’t really annoyed. It wasn’t Octavia’s fault that her massive hunk of a tattooed soulmate just happened to work at the one museum Clarke had been desperate to go to for months – and Clarke couldn’t really complain about the fact that Octavia wanted to sit down and talk to him, leaving her to go round the exhibitions on her own.

She didn’t even mind the fact that she’d be on her own. Octavia wasn’t massively into art, and had definitely been looking forward to the shopping portion of the day more. This way Clarke could spend as long as she wanted looking at the different artwork and exhibits, without Octavia complaining about being bored. The issue begins when she emerges from the displays hours later to find Octavia and her soulmate, _Lincoln_ , still completely engaged in conversation and showing no signs of saying goodbye to each other.

Clarke isn’t even mad about that - she isn’t really sure she’s mad about _anything_ , honestly - it’s just that the longer she sits alone in the corner of the small café and tries not to stare at the two whilst they talk, the more she thinks about soulmates, and how _unfair_ the whole situation really is.

Finding out her soulmate was some kind of artist, or at least had an avid interest in art, was one of Clarke’s staple soulmate fantasies growing up. Meeting them in a literal art museum would definitely have been the dream to her twelve-year-old self, although, _any_ situation where she met her soulmate somewhere and got to spend hours talking and getting to know them would have been amazing.

The universe decided that wasn’t for her, though, and instead gave her fantasy to her best friend. Not _only_ her best friend, though, really. Most people who met their soulmates had a lovely meet-cute story where they bumped into each other in some unexpected place and immediately bonded over just about everything – but Clarke doesn’t have that and she never will. All she has is the memory of the shock and confusion when she realised that she recognised her mark – and then the disappointment of knowing that she would never get to really experience the fireworks people compare to soulmates.

It’s not that she doesn’t love Bellamy – that she doesn’t lie awake at night dreaming about what could have been if only things were different – because she _does_. How can she not when Bellamy is so kind and caring and protective and has the most perfect face she’s ever seen? The two of them have so much in common and can talk for hours on end, just like Octavia and Lincoln are now – Clarke is sure she could spend days locked up alone in a room with only Bellamy and never get bored.

She’s been given the perfect soulmate, but she can’t be with him. She can probably _never_ be with him.

She understands, she _does_. Bellamy’s a lot older than her, and he sees her as a little sister rather than anything else. Sometimes, though, just sometimes she catches him looking at her in way that definitely doesn’t come across as familial, and he’ll joke with her in a way that seems to cusp on flirty, and she wonders if perhaps there _could_ be something. That maybe when she turns eighteen, he might be willing to try things out.

Clarke knows that he won’t though. Bellamy is a fully-grown adult with the body of a god and a smile to match – he could literally be with anyone he wanted - and she’s just a kid.

A kid that’s definitely very important to him, but a kid nonetheless.

A kid that will never know what it’s like to run into her soulmate in a crowded place and feel her whole world change and bloom into something brand new.

By the time they finally make it out of the art museum and to the shops, Clarke and Octavia only have a couple of hours until Jake is coming to pick them up. Octavia spends the entirety of that time gushing _on_ and _on_ about Lincoln and all the amazing things she found out about him and how they already have their first seven dates planned out. Clarke _tries_ to smile and respond enthusiastically, and although she isn’t quite sure how convincing she’s being, Octavia either doesn’t notice or doesn’t care.

Clarke _wants_ to be excited for her best friend – she always thought she would be, that the moment Octavia met her soulmate would go down as one of the most exciting days in her own life as well – but she can’t seem to force herself past the irrational bitterness building up inside of her.

She thinks she was maybe unaware just how frustrated she was at the cards the universe had dealt her, until she saw someone with a much better hand – and now she can’t think about anything else.

-

When Octavia had asked Clarke not to mention Lincoln to Bellamy, the blonde naively assumed it would just be for a few days – a week at the most – just while Octavia came to terms with having met her soulmate.

She definitely was not expecting to still be keeping the secret two _months_ later.

In the beginning Octavia had said it was just while she got to know Lincoln, and then it was because she was panicking about college applications and that she didn’t want to add any stress to it by Bellamy finding out and freaking out, but now Clarke just thinks that Octavia quite likes having a secret.

If only Octavia’s secret hadn’t affected Clarke’s life _quite_ so much. 

The fact that Octavia was now spending a lot of her free time with Lincoln meant that she _wasn’t_ spending all of her free time with Clarke, and as two people that had pretty much lived in each other’s pocket for almost ten years, Clarke was finding it slightly hard to adjust. Perhaps if she still could have been at the Blake’s house (and spending time with Bellamy), it wouldn’t have been so bad, but that was also no longer an option seeing as Octavia apparently couldn’t come up with any other excuse for when she was with Lincoln than to say that she was with Clarke somewhere.

Then again, that could easily have been a conscious (and smart) decision from Octavia seeing as Clarke couldn’t lie for shit – especially not to Bellamy. Maybe the time away was doing her good as well, _perhaps_ not seeing him as much as she usually did would mean that she could finally get over this extremely inconvenient _crush_ (although, Clarke isn’t quite sure if she’s _supposed_ to be able to get over a crush on her literal soulmate – and she also wouldn’t describe it so much as a crush and more like a soul-crushing unrequited love). 

All Clarke really knows is that the majority of her past two months of existence have consisted of school and then sitting alone in her home binge-watching Netflix and eating ice-cream – and this Saturday night is no different. Her parents are out on a date, Octavia is out also on a date, and Clarke is watching Pretty Little Liars _again_ , because that’s what her life has come to – re-watching a TV show with a disappointing ending because she literally has nothing better to do. 

When the doorbell rings she figures it’s some online delivery that she ordered in a spate of misery that she forgot about. She opens the front door expecting to see a delivery man, and instead comes face to face with Bellamy, who promptly enters the house without an invitation (not that he _needs_ one, but its the principle, isn't it).

His eyebrows are furrowed and his mouth is melded into a straight line, no hint of a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. Clarke’s heart skips a beat even as it drops into her stomach. 

“Where’s Octavia?” Bellamy questions – not even bothering with saying hello. That’s nice, considering she literally hasn’t seen him in almost two weeks.

Clarke doesn’t have much time to be petty though, mainly because as soon as the question leaves his lips her mind _blanks_ , any half-baked excuses she had come up with in the moments after opening the door melting from her mind.

“She’s – uh – upstairs.” Clarke squeaks out. _Upstairs?_ Was she serious? Why was it so impossible for her to come up with a plausible lie? It wasn’t like she couldn’t lie to _other_ people – not that she was a pathological liar or anything – just little ones to her parents or friends that didn’t have any actual repercussions – she could tell those kinds of lies any day to anybody.

Except Bellamy.

It’s the way he looks at her, she thinks. He asks a question and then he stares at her it feels like his eyes are burning into her soul opening up everything inside of her – he always makes her feel so _seen_. She isn’t sure if it’s in a good way or not, but she is sure that when he looks at her like that, she loses all rational thought.

He’s looking at her like that right now, eyes narrowed and face unmoving. He doesn’t bother responding, there’s no point – they both know that Octavia is not here.

“Clarke,” Bellamy finally states, tired, “Where is she?”

“I can’t tell you, Bellamy. It’s not my place and it’s up to her so don’t ask me to. I promise she’s fine, and she’ll be home tonight like she said she would be,” Clarke babbles, attempting a different technique. Nothing she said is untrue so he can’t be mad about _that_ , it’s just not exactly what Bellamy wants to hear “How did you know that she wasn’t here, anyway?”

Bellamy rolls his eyes, “Miller phoned, and told me that he’d just seen Octavia out in town with, and I quote, ‘a mountain of a man’. I told him it couldn’t have been her, because she was with you. Then I thought it for about thirty seconds and figured I should probably check.”

Fucking Miller – of course he just happened to be exactly where Octavia and Lincoln had decided to go. Then again, their luck was bound to run out at some point. Clarke thinks about Bellamy’s words for a moment – he’s probably more stressed that Octavia is out with someone he doesn’t know than the fact that she’s not here. Actually, he’s probably just as stressed that she’s not here – he’s always stressed when it comes to his little sister.

“Lincoln’s nice, I promise.” Clarke offers up, hoping that the information might somehow soothe Bellamy slightly.

She’s not sure if it works, but Bellamy’s eyes narrow and he responds quickly, “You know him?”

“Yeah. Kind of. I was there when they met.” Clarke really isn’t sure if she’s saying the right thing.

“When _did_ they meet? _Where_? Miller said he looked old. How old is he? Oh god is he older than I am?” Bellamy questions, not leaving a breath between them as he quickly begins to spiral.

“Bellamy, stop panicking,” Clarke interrupts, “They met at the art museum me and O went to – he works there. He’s not that old – twenty-one or twenty-two I think – he’s just…big, you know, quite tall and muscly. With some tattoos. But like I said, he’s lovely.”

“The art museum?” Bellamy gapes, aghast, “That was months ago!”

Perhaps Clarke shouldn’t have divulged that _particular_ fact. She’s trying to work out what she can say so that it doesn’t sound _that_ but Bellamy doesn’t give her the chance. 

“And if he’s so _nice_ then why didn’t O tell me about him? She was more than happy to talk about Atom and Cillian and Levitt, so what’s so different about _him_?” He continues, clearly not planning on letting Clarke escape his questioning any time soon.

She supposes he does have a point; Bellamy has never really had an issue with O dating before – why could she not have just told Bellamy about Lincoln when they first met – then none of this would be happening.

“Nothing.” Clarke says slowly, not meeting Bellamy’s eyes. Perhaps if she can’t _see_ him looking at her, then she’ll be a more convincing liar.

She isn’t. 

“Tell me.” Bellamy orders.

Clarke keeps her mouth shut – she’s said too much already.

“ _Please_ , Clarke. She’s not answering her phone and I just want to know that she’s safe. Just – think about how I feel, okay? Right now, all I know is that Octavia’s off with some older guy that she’s hidden from me for the last however many months. Come on.” Bellamy pleads. Clarke looks at him, eyes wide and bottom lip held between his teeth. He’s worried – and he doesn’t _need_ to be but what can she say to prove that to him?

Maybe it’s time to be honest. “They’re soulmates.”

Bellamy’s face drops. Clarke can see the shock and hurt on his face. A tendril of guilt and regret begins creeping its way up her throat. She’s not sure if it’s because she told him, or because she didn’t tell him sooner.

“Don’t be mad, Bell. She didn’t keep it from you to hurt you – I swear.” She insists. God – why did she have to open her _mouth_?

“I’m not mad. It’s fine.” Bellamy responds, but this time it’s him being a shit liar - he is definitely mad and he definitely doesn’t think it’s fine. It’s written all over his face, and the way he’s looking at Clarke right now is even worse than when she’s attempting to avoid telling him the truth.

“Stop looking at me like that.” Clarke huffs.

“Like what?” Bellamy says incredulously, like he doesn’t know what he’s doing. Dick. He’d just pretty much guilted her into telling him what he wanted to know and now he was being moody about it.

“Like you’re disappointed in me. It’s not fair. I’m not the one you’re annoyed at here!” Clarke retorts.

Bellamy scoffs, “Well you know what, Clarke? You’ve spent the last two months lying to me too so maybe I _am_ disappointed.”

“And I’ve hardly seen you for the past two months and you never even noticed that I wasn’t there, so maybe you’re not the only disappointed one here.” Clarke shoots back with vitriol. 

Bellamy’s face transforms into something else then – definitely not frustration anymore but something she can’t quite read – perhaps hurt? But that doesn’t make sense.

He sighs, stepping forward slightly and softening his voice, “Of course, I noticed, Clarke,” He swallows, like he’s debating if he should say the next part, “I’ve missed you.” 

Clarke’s heart melts a little – he _missed_ her? “Why didn’t you say anything, then?” She tries to sound cynical, but she’s sure it comes off a lot more whiney.

“I thought you were avoiding me.” Bellamy admits, scratching behind his ear the way he did whenever he didn’t want to talk about something. Interesting.

“Why would I be avoiding you?” Clarke pushes – she honestly has no idea. She can’t think of _anything_ that would make her want to avoid Bellamy.

Bellamy pauses – Clarke can _see_ the mechanics in his mind working as he decides what he’s going to say. Perhaps it isn’t just her – perhaps being able to read the other person is just a soulmate thing.

“Thought maybe I’d bored you with too many discussions on Roman emperors.” Bellamy tries to laugh it off – clearly wanting to avoid the conversation. Clarke wants to keep going though – wants to know what he isn’t telling her – but now isn’t the time. If she keeps pushing then he’s just going to bring Lincoln back up and it won’t end well.

“Bored by Roman emperors? Never.” Clarke plays along, earning herself a small smile from Bellamy. He seems calmer now or perhaps she’s done an okay job at distracting him.

“If you weren’t avoiding me, why did you stop coming round?” Bellamy asks, brows furrowed slightly. 

“It wasn’t really up to me. Octavia – whenever she was seeing Lincoln, she’d tell you she was with me, like she did tonight.” Clarke explains, quietly. It kind of feels like she’s snitching to a teacher, getting someone into trouble for something. 

“Oh,” The furrows in Bellamy’s brows grow, “That’s – you should have said something.”

“Like what? Sorry I haven’t been around, Bellamy. Octavia met her soulmate and is now obsessed with him but she keeps saying she’s with me so I can’t come round when she isn’t there anymore.” Clarke retorts, sarcasm dipping from the words.

Bellamy lets out a breathy laugh, “You know what? Yeah, something along those lines would have been extremely helpful,” He pauses for a moment, apparently finally taking in Clarke’s extremely slobby appearance, “If you haven’t been with me and O recently, what have you been doing?”

Clarke isn’t sure if she’s supposed to be offended by the implication that she doesn’t have any other friends – especially when it’s true. She has _acquaintances_ – people that she’ll hang out with in school and chat to, but there’s no one else she really sees outside of it apart from Octavia and Bellamy – she hasn’t ever needed anyone else.  
Clarke shrugs, “I’ve been here, mostly. You know, watching Netflix.”

Bellamy takes a look at the TV, “Pretty Little Liars? _Again_?” He remarks, teasingly, “How many times have you watched it now?”

She giggles, “I’ve lost count, but hey, sometimes you just need to watch over-dramatic nonsensical teen dramas to distract yourself from how boring your own life is.”

Bellamy laughs, and shoots her an affectionate smirk that she thinks might just make her heart explode before settling himself down on the sofa.

Clarke doesn’t hesitate to plonk herself down next to him, “You’re staying then?”

“Might as well,” He huffs, “Got to do something to make me not think about the fact that my little sister is currently roaming around the streets with her soulmate that she kept secret from me.”

Clarke elects to ignore the remark, “You’ve joined at a good time, then. They’ve just found out who like the 50 millionth different A is so it’s all kicking off”

*****

Bellamy should have _known_. He should have been able to tell that Octavia was keeping a secret – but he was distracted. When Clarke had stopped coming to the house when Octavia wasn’t there, he had automatically assumed it was something he’d done. They’d spent a lot of time together over the summer, even when Octavia was at work, _especially_ when Octavia was at work.

Clarke was just so _nice_ to be around. They could spend hours talking about anything and everything and there would always be something else to say. She was funny and kind and sharp and, as Bellamy had recently realised, _beautiful_. 

It wasn’t an unexpected development, per say, he was always aware that there would likely be a day that he would be attracted to Clarke, considering the fact that she was his soulmate and all, but he hadn’t expected it to hit him quite so soon - and quite so suddenly.

It had just been a normal day in the summer break. Octavia had been at work and he and Clarke were debating the logistics of a true crime documentary that they had recently watched. She had smiled at him at one point - a full, face-splitting smile that lit up her eyes and made her look so radiant he had no clue how he hadn’t noticed it before - but since that moment it was all he could see whenever he looked at her. A shining, all-consuming glow that made it impossible to look away.

It got especially bad when the heatwave hit. Clarke would wander around in these tank tops and tiny shorts or skimpy dresses (purely because of the heat, he was sure – Clarke was too _good_ to be wearing those things to try and show off, wasn’t she?), and Bellamy would have to force himself to tear his eyes away from her exposed skin so many times. She was so _young_. She didn’t deserve to have a creepy soulmate - who she saw as a trustworthy adult and brother-figure - objectifying her and making her conscious of what she wore around him. He wouldn’t be that guy.

 _That’s_ why he thought she’d been avoiding him. He thought that maybe she’d noticed the way he’d been looking at her, and that she was uncomfortable being around him.

He’d spent so long exerted so much of his energy on the fear that he’d driven Clarke away. that he hadn’t even noticed that his sister had been lying to him for the past few months and had met her _own_ fucking soulmate. 

What a great guardian he was.

Even now - when he knew that his sister was literally with the soulmates that she’d hidden from him - he was staying at Clarke’s and keeping her company, just because he could tell that she’s been lonely.

He doesn’t want to spend too long focusing on his priorities – he isn’t sure that he’ll like the answers that he finds.

-

The atmosphere at the dinner table is nothing short of awkward. Bellamy is on one side next to Clarke, while Octavia sits opposite him with Lincoln to her left. It’s been a week since Bellamy had found out about Lincoln and he and Octavia were at an impasse. She was insisting that she had done nothing wrong in not telling him that she had met her soulmate, and that he was just being dramatic. Bellamy – on the other hand – well, he was just pissed off. Once again Octavia had betrayed his trust and gone behind his back to do something that he really wouldn’t have even had an issue with. 

Bellamy had pretty much insisted on Lincoln coming over to dinner before Octavia was allowed to see him again. He definitely has a right to meet the person his little sister had spent the last few months with (and was also likely to spend the rest of her _life_ with, which honestly, is a petrifying idea). Octavia had objected - just to be difficult - but Bellamy definitely had the upper hand this round. Although, he was vaguely regretting the suggestion of dinner now that it was actually happening.

Octavia was glaring at him; he was glaring at Octavia – and Clarke was desperately trying to salvage something from the night.

“Lincoln! I saw the advert for the new exhibition at the gallery – are you working on it?” She inquires. It’s clearly meant to be a distraction from the awkwardness in the environment. It probably doesn’t work, but Lincoln jumps on the escape route anyway. He nods, and immediately launches into a description of the new displays – clearly grateful that someone had broken the tension at the table.

Bellamy just wasn’t sure what to think about him – he was so much older than O. Well, only five years, but it still _felt_ like a lot, and that in turn was making him feel even shittier about Clarke. The age difference between them was double the gap between O and Lincoln – so why couldn’t he stop himself being a creep whenever he was with her for any extended amount of time? It was a mess. _He_ was a mess.

He _knows_ he doesn’t particularly put much effort in, but to be fair, neither does Octavia, and she’s the one who’s supposed to be proving to him that he has a reason to trust her and Lincoln. It doesn’t stop her calling him out, though.

The argument starts almost as soon as Lincoln leaves.

“You made absolutely no effort to be nice to him, Bellamy!” Octavia cries out, slamming the cupboard door after she shoves the plates she was drying in there.

“Get over it, O,” Bellamy bites back, more than happy to engage in the debate, “If you wanted me to be nice to him then _maybe_ you shouldn’t have kept him a secret from me for months.”

Octavia scoffs, clearly not accepting Bellamy’s point, “This is what you _do_ , Bellamy. It’s exactly like when you met Finn.”

“It is not,” Bellamy retorts a if he’s offended by the idea, “And besides, I was right about Finn, wasn’t I?”

Octavia apparently has no comeback to that, instead turning to her best friend, who is clearly trying to stay unnoticed across the room, “Tell him he’s being a dick, Clarke.”

Bellamy, however, has no problem with getting Clarke involved, “Clarke _knows_ I’m right. You’re expecting me to be okay with you getting into some serious relationship when all you’ve done recently is prove to me exactly just how immature you really are.”

“I can’t _believe_ you,” Octavia cries, out, stomping in frustration, “I’m literally almost eighteen. You have no say in my life. Clarke agrees with _me_ that _you’re_ being ridiculous.”

“Oh my god both of you just stop! You’re both being pathetic,” Clarke explodes, “This isn’t an argument you _need_ to be having at all, but you’re both so busy being angry at each other that neither of you have even tried to make an effort to actually sort things out. All either of you are doing is trying to get me to take sides and that’s not _fair_. O, you’re by best friend and Bellamy, you’re my soulmate – and that means that you two are pretty much the most important people in my life but I am _done_ with this bullshit. I’m going home, and I’m not getting involved in any of this until you two have decided to stop acting like children. Let me know when you’ve sorted your shit out.”

All Bellamy can do is watch as Clarke grabs her things and storms out of the house. He wants to say something, _do_ something to calm her - to make her feel better - but he doesn’t know _what_. He’s never seen her like this before – sure, he’s seen her _annoyed_ , but never to the point of losing her temper. Especially not at _him_. It is not a nice feeling. If Octavia’s face is anything to go by then she wasn’t expecting that kind of outburst either.

It doesn’t stop her from shooting an accusatory, “Look what you’ve done!” In his direction before storming off to her room, though.

Part of Bellamy wants to be petty and point out the fact that she was the one who involved Clarke in the conversation in the first place, but he knows that will just make things worse. Perhaps they all just need some time apart to calm down and really think about things. Clarke possibly had a point – was everything just blown out of proportion. He didn’t _feel_ like he’d been particularly dramatic, but maybe he _could_ have gone about things in a different way – actually made an effort with Lincoln, perhaps. Or letting Octavia explain instead of just immediately being mad at her. It’s hard though, he’s so conscious of the fact that Octavia’s almost an adult and going to college soon and if she won’t tell him about her life when they live in the same house, what chance does he have when she leaves?

Octavia emerges from her bedroom eventually - hours later and after Bellamy’s finished all the tidying up – but she did take the first step, which is a positive, he supposes. She finds him sitting on his bed, reading the Iliad (his comfort book – which is something completely normal to have despite what Miller would say) in an attempt to distract himself from checking his phone every thirty seconds. He had messaged Clarke to apologise and check that she’d got home okay. She’d told him she was home, but hadn’t responded to anything else that he’d said - which was fair - considering the instructions she’d given when she left. 

Octavia raises her eyebrows when she sees what he’s reading, “That bad?”

“It hasn’t really been the greatest few days, has it?” Bellamy remarks dryly.

“You could say that,” Octavia agrees, pulling the book from his hands and shoving it onto the bedside table, not even bothering to mark the page he was on, “Right, let’s talk. Or – what did Clarke say? Stop acting like children and sort our shit out.”

Bellamy snorts, “That was it.”

“Okay. Ground rules. No interrupting – just listening to each other and not getting angry,” Octavia suggests – they’d learnt a long time that setting ground rules for situations like this was by far the easiest way to make it through the conversation without biting each other’s heads off. Bellamy nods in agreement, “Good, you go first.”

Bellamy knows exactly what he wants to say – he just isn’t quite sure how to say it, “I just don’t understand why you didn’t tell me, O. I would have been _happy_ for you. Soulmates are supposed to be special and exciting and I always assumed it was something I’d get to share with you – but now it’s just something else I missed and that you kept hidden from me. You literally knew who my soulmate was before I did – and I know that isn’t your fault at all it’s just – it feels unfair. And it _was_ unfair - you making Clarke keep it a secret too. On both of us. She’s been on her own whenever you’d tell me you were with her when you went off to see Lincoln and I’d _asked_ you why she wasn’t coming round as much and you said you didn’t know. You knew that I thought that it might have been something to do with me.”

Octavia sighs, taking a moment to consider Bellamy’s words before saying her piece, “This is going to sound incredibly shitty, but I think that’s kind of _why_ I did it – lied about Lincoln - for so long. I don’t know if you realise it but you and Clarke are just so… _in tune_ with each other. Especially recently, when you’d been spending all that time together when I was working – you guys just have so much in common and you can go off on these tangents and talk about things I have no clue about. It’s hard not to feel left out, sometimes, and I know neither of you mean to do it, but it was happening so much more than it used to. Then I met Lincoln, and I _got_ it. There was just like this immediate click and I understood why you and Clarke are so in sync, but it didn’t make it any easier to take. It just – every time I was with you both all I could think was that you’d both pick each other over me – and you don’t need to tell me how stupid that is, Bell. Lincoln’s told me enough already. Maybe I was jealous, I don’t know if that’s the right word, but you and Clarke have your _thing_ and it was making me feel like shit – and it felt good to be getting my own back.”

After hearing that, Bellamy gets a very strong urge to ram his head repeatedly into the nearest wall. He had never even considered the idea that he and Clarke growing closer would affect Octavia negatively – especially to the point where it would hurt her as much as it clearly had. Then again, being hurt didn’t mean she had any right to manipulate and lie to the people around her like that. Where did she even learn that from?

She’s looking at him now, eyes wide and worried and he knows he has to say _something_ , “Octavia, that’s not -” He stops and swallows, searching for the right words, “I’m sorry that you felt that way, I really am and I need you to know that you come first, always. That doesn’t make the way you’ve acted okay, though. You understand that, right?”

“I know! I honestly didn’t really even realise I was doing it until Lincoln pointed out to me that I was being kinda crazy – at first, I really did just want to get to know him on my own without any pressure from anyone else. I swear I didn’t realise that I was hurting you and Clarke, I didn’t mean to do that – I was just being selfish and I’m sorry.” Octavia’s definitely telling the truth – she doesn’t make apologies unless she means them and the guilt in her voice is obvious.

Bellamy wants to be mad, but it’s hard when he knows that he’s upset her, however unintentional it was. He also can’t stand the idea that he’s somehow come between O and Clarke - they’ve always been so close and they shouldn’t be pulled apart by something like this. He won’t let that happen. “You have to apologise to Clarke, properly. She’s done nothing but be your friend and you took advantage of that.” 

“I will. I swear.” Octavia promises.

“Good,” Bellamy remarks, “Now, tell me about Lincoln.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There we go - I'd love to know what you're thinking!!  
> I am very excited for the next couple of chapters, everything's really gonna kick off and its gonna get fun


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again
> 
> Thank you one again for al the lovely comments, I appreciate each one so much
> 
> The ending scene for this chapter is one I've been excited about writing from the very beginning of this process so I really hope you like it
> 
> Enjoy the chapter xoxo

The months following Christmas are a blur of birthdays and exams and college acceptance letters and before he knows it Octavia and Clarke have graduated from high school and are focusing on getting ready to leave for college. Bellamy is completely overwhelmed by how much _stuff_ Octavia needs - he had known it was going to be a lot – but he hadn’t been quite prepared for just _how_ many different things he would need to think about. The Griffin’s, thankfully, were a lot more aware, and had an itemised checklist of every little thing that the girls might need that they were more than happy to share.

Octavia decided on a college quite close to home – a little under an hour drive away. She’s still going to live in dorms, and as much Bellamy would like to think she’s staying close to home because she wants to be close to _him_ , he knows that it’s got a lot more to do with being close to Lincoln. Clarke, on the other hand, has chosen somewhere a bit further out. She’s going to study Art History in a college about a six-hour drive away – which Bellamy knows in the grand scheme of things isn’t _that_ far, but it’s definitely far _enough_. He just worries – that’s all. If Clarke needs him (not that he thinks she will, but if something happened and she _did_ ) then there’s no fast way for him to get to her. 

There’s also a completely irrational and vaguely bitter thought that refuses to leave him alone – Lincoln is enough to make Octavia want to stick around, but Bellamy isn’t enough for Clarke to want to stay. He knows it’s stupid. He doesn’t even _want_ Clarke to settle somewhere just because it’s close to him – but he can’t seem to stop himself thinking it anyway. In fact, Clarke even hinting that he was a factor in her decisions about her future at all wouldn’t be good – she shouldn’t be holding herself back because of him. He’s glad she isn’t. He’ll miss her, though - he’s going to go from seeing her most days to not at all.

He’s extremely aware that being with Clarke so much is only deepening the _feelings_ (possible infatuation) that he has for her, but as long as Clarke isn’t having them too (and he’s sure she isn’t), then it’s fine. It’s not like it’s even something they’re doing on purpose – being with each other so much – Octavia just spends so much time with Lincoln now that Clarke and Bellamy generally just hang out because it’s convenient and there usually isn’t anyone else to see.

It also might be because he can’t think of anyone else that he’d rather spend his time with – but that’s not the point.

Sometimes he wonders if he should try and push Clarke to hang out with people her own age more. Can it _really_ be good for her to be spending so much time with someone ten years her senior? Isn’t she supposed to be living it up in her final summer before she starts college? He thinks that if he was being a responsible adult then maybe he would, but he doesn’t really want to be one. Clarke’s clearly happy and that has to be the most important thing. When she goes to college, she’ll literally be living with people her own age, it’s not like this is a permanent thing and that they’re going to spend the rest of their lives locked up in a private little bubble that no one else can get in to. 

She’ll leave and meet someone her own age and fall in love and get married and he and Clarke will just stay really good friends – like they are now. Platonic soulmates – that sounds good. 

(It really, _really_ doesn’t.)

Bellamy doesn’t know who he’s trying to kid (well, himself, clearly) but he knows that it’s unlikely that his _feelings_ will be going anywhere soon, even when he isn’t with Clarke, he’s thinking about her. It’s nice knowing that he’s _wanted_ , honestly. He’s under no illusions that when Octavia leaves home to go to college, that she’s leaving home for good. Chances are she’ll be moving in with Lincoln as soon as she graduates, maybe even before that. She already spends so much time at his home that he can realistically describe her as a part-time roommate at best.

Clarke, on the other hand, wants to be here – wants to spend time with him. She wants to talk to him about her day and what she’s thinking and her plans for the future and Bellamy can’t get enough of it. 

There has been a new development, though. Recently Clarke seems to have decided that she likes physical contact, with _him_. In the beginning it was just leaning on him while they watched a movie, or curling up beneath a blanket when it was cold but somehow spending evenings with Clarke in his arms has become commonplace.

Definitely not in a creepy way, because it’s not like _that_. It’s just a comforting hug when Clarke’s stressing about college, or she’ll positioning herself on his chest so that she can hide her face if they watch a horror film, and then sometimes there aren’t even reasons – Clarke would just plonk herself next to him and wriggle into his arms. It’s cute - _she’s_ cute.

He really needs to _stop_.

It’s nice, holding Clarke. _Too_ nice. He knows he shouldn’t enjoy it as much as he does – that maybe they might need to have a conversation about boundaries. He doesn’t want to have that conversation though – and honestly, what’s the harm of cuddling, if it just stays as cuddling?

The harm, as he’s well aware, is that he can definitely let his mind wander in those moments – to less than savoury thoughts – ones which make him feel incredibly guilty but they just won’t _stop_. There’s been more than one occasion where a cold shower has become an immediate need, and if that wasn’t possible then there had to be awkward repositioning and he prayed Clarke never noticed the reason for the rearrangements. She’s never _said_ anything that makes him think that she knows, but perhaps she’s too uncomfortable to bring it up. Then again, if she _did_ know, and it _did_ make her uncomfortable, then why would she still want to be close to him? 

Obviously, she has no clue.

Or, she does have a clue, and she likes it – maybe she even _wants_ to turn him on.

No – dangerous thoughts. Clarke was just being her normal, tactile self and there was absolutely nothing to imply that any of his untoward thoughts were reflected in the slightest. She’s a good girl – she blushes if there’s a sex scene in a movie, for god’s sake. Any and all sexual thoughts are entirely on him – and he needs to work out how to stop them.

-

There’s something wrong with Clarke. She’s been distracted all day – quiet. Maybe she’s worried about college again – Bellamy knows that the concept of moving so far away has been stressing her out recently, especially as it comes closer. He takes another, longer look at her. They’re watching Brooklyn 99, but she isn’t even attempting to concentrate on the TV, or laugh at the parts she usually finds hilarious. The corner of her thumb is in her mouth, skin being picked at by her teeth. It’s a nervous habit she’s had the entire time that he’s known her, despite Abby’s desperate attempts to curb it.

Bellamy pauses the TV – Clarke doesn’t react.

“What’s wrong?” He finally asks.

Clarke jolts, words clearly pulling her out of whatever place her thoughts were just in. She blinks at him a few times in confusion as her mind catches up with the words, thumb dropping from her mouth to her hands where her other fingers quickly begin tugging at it, “Oh, nothing. Why?”

Bellamy raises an eyebrow - unimpressed – it’s possibly the least convincing sentence he’s ever heard from her, “You pick at your fingers when you’re worrying. Talk to me.”

She reflexively separates her hands, like pulling them apart will somehow negate the fact that she had just been doing it, “I – I don’t know.”

“Is it O, again? I’ll talk to her – you know she doesn’t mean to upset you, but you need to tell her if she is.” Bellamy frets. The friendship between Octavia and Clarke had definitely suffered in the aftermath of his sister meeting Lincoln. Clarke understandably felt neglected at the lack of attention she was receiving from O, but didn’t want to say anything because she felt like she was standing in the way of Octavia being happy. It had taken a lot of pushing, but the two had finally sat down and had a proper talk – the details of which he was not privy to - and since then things seemed to have been better.

“No, it’s nothing to do with Octavia,” Clarke assures him, “I promise.”

That relaxes him for a moment, until he remembers that there’s still something _wrong_ , “Then what is it?”

Clarke frowns, and takes a deep breath – voice shaking slightly on the exhale “I think I’m bisexual. No – I know I am. Well – I mean I know I definitely like boys and girls, and people that identify as something else, I don’t care about that kind of thing, and -”

Bellamy can see her beginning to spiral, and cuts off her rambling with a firm, hopefully comforting, squeeze to her hand, “ _Clarke_ ,” She looks up at him, eyes worried and slightly shiny, “Is that what you’re worried about?”

Clarke nods slowly, “Not worried about _it_ exactly – just telling people, you know? I feel like it’s something I want the people I’m close with to know about – it’s just hard.”

“Yeah, it’s a big thing for you to do,” Bellamy responds softly, “I’m proud of you, Princess.”

Clarke’s face cracks into a big smile, and adorable flush forming on her cheeks, “Thanks, Bell. I knew you wouldn’t have any problem with it, I just – haven’t told anyone else yet. I wanted you to know first.”

That does something to him – being given such clear proof that Clarke really trusts him – something warm and fuzzy fluttering in his stomach that makes him feel sixteen again, “I’m honoured. Are you planning on telling anyone else soon?”

Clarke shrugs, “I’ll tell O when I next see her probably, I know she won’t care. It’s just – my parents. When I think about it I _know_ that they won’t have an issue with it – they’re not homophobic and they’ve never ever said anything to make me feel like they would have any issue with me being anything other than straight,” Clarke pauses, and swallows the uncomfortable lump that’s formed in her throat, “I just – there’s this tiny little thought that won’t go away and – what if I’m wrong? What if they get angry or upset or…” she trails off, and Bellamy can see her chewing on the inside of her lower lip.

“Princess,” Bellamy wraps an arm round her shoulder and pulls her close to his chest – she goes willingly, “Your parents love you and the only thing that will matter to them is that you’re happy – I have no doubts about it. This won’t change anything. You don’t have to tell them until you’re ready, though. There’s no pressure.”

Clarke lets out a hum of agreement, but she still sounds unsure. Bellamy squeezes her tighter, and carefully places a kiss on to the crown of her head.

“And if we’ve somehow fallen into another dimension where things aren’t okay, you’ll _always_ have me.”

-

Octavia’s semester starts two weeks before Clarke’s – something Bellamy is incredibly grateful for after he gets home from dropping her off and realises that his little sister has moved out and is officially a college student and will probably be going to all sorts of parties and drinking and there’ll be drugs at the parties too and holy _shit_ he wants to bring her right back home. 

He knows he can’t do that, though, so he does the next best thing and asks Clarke if she wants to come over. 

She does – of course – she always does, and she brings some left-over lasagne that her dad made for dinner and some games. She had known he needed distracting without him needing to say. 

They end up playing scrabble. Clarke wins the first game, and he wins the second - _just_. He thinks she might have let him win. She insists that she didn’t but she also won’t meet his eyes while she says it. He doesn’t really care either way.

“Are you feeling better now?” She asks as she packs the board away – casting her eyes over to where Bellamy is lounging on the couch.

“Yeah, I think so. It’s just scary – I know she hadn’t been spending loads of time here anyway but I still saw her most days but now she’s _gone_. I probably won’t see her again for months.” Bellamy responds dejectedly. He doesn’t know why he feels so _bad_ about Octavia leaving – getting her into college had been the goal since their mother had died – and it was finally happening. He should be celebrating.

“She’s not that far away,” Clarke soothes, settling down next to him and curling up into his side, letting a hand splay out on his chest, “You’ll be able to visit whenever you want, and she’ll come home and you can call her everyday if you really want to – although I wouldn’t recommend that one because she will definitely get annoyed at you checking up on her all the time.”

“Yeah, I know,” Bellamy chuckles, fingers absent-mindedly drawing circles on Clarke’s waist, “It’s just strange – and soon you’ll be gone too and then I’m really gonna be lonely. It’s going to get quiet round here.”

A soft giggle escapes Clarke’s lips, “I thought you couldn’t wait to get rid of me – think about all the things you’ll be able to do without me showing up and annoying you all the time.”

Bellamy scoffs, “You know I always want you here, Princess. What am I gonna do with you gone?”

“Throw a party?” Clarke suggests, before cheekily adding on, “Well actually you’d need friends for that, wouldn’t you?”

“Brat. I have friends,” Bellamy retorts – Clarke just raises an eyebrow at him, “Well – I have Miller.” 

“Yeah you do. You can throw some super exciting two-person parties,” She teases lightly, “But if you are bored, you can always call me. Octavia might not want to hear from you every day, but I’d be more than happy to.”

Bellamy knows that he should object – remind Clarke that college is a time to meet new people and make new friends and she shouldn’t plan on spending all her time talking to him. If he was to stand any chance at ever moving on, he should suggest weekly phone calls at most. He doesn’t though, he’d given up on trying not to be a shit person a long time ago when it came to Clarke.

“I’ll hold you to that, Princess.”

-

A few days after Octavia moved out, in an attempt to distract himself after Clarke showed him some messages she’d received the previous night from his _extremely_ drunk little sister, Bellamy decided it was time to sort through everything piled in the spare room and get rid of the things they definitely didn’t need anymore. The spare room – if it could even really be described as that, was a tiny box room that was _full_ of random items that had been shoved in there over the years. He’s sure some boxes in there might not have even been touched since they first moved in.

Clarke offers to help, of course, and she is currently attempting to lug a very heavy looking box out into the hallway. He figures he should head over and help, although she does look kind of cute trying to do it all by herself.

_Bad thoughts_ , he chastises himself.

“What’s in there?” Bellamy questions, figuring it must be something interesting for Clarke to work so hard to move it.

“Photo albums by the looks of it – a lot of them.”

Bellamy’s face lights up in glee, “This is where they ended up!”

Clarke apparently decides the box has gotten far enough, and falls down next to it with a huff, “Why are there so _many?_?”

Bellamy sits down next to her and reaches a dusty album out the box, “My mom loved scrapbooking, she wanted a record of _everything_ me and O ever did. She used to spend hours on these. Sometimes she’d let me and O help, and you can tell when we did because they look a bit shit.”

They get very distracted by the images – cooing over adorable baby pictures and laughing at silly poses. Clarke particularly likes one of him as a toddler dressed up as an emperor.

“How were you already a history nerd when you were _three_?” She remarks with a giggle.

They stop on another picture of Bellamy and Octavia on a beach – she’s really young, standing on chubby legs and clinging to Bellamy’s leg. Clarke grabs her phone to send a picture to Octavia, “How old were you both here?”

Bellamy considers for a moment, “O must have been one, maybe almost two? I was eleven or twelve, definitely not thirteen yet,” he points at the bare skin at the top of his arm in the photo, “I didn’t have my soulmark.”

Clarke looks up, glancing at his arm where the bottom of the mark is visible beneath the edge of his sleeve, “It’s strange – seeing you without it. You’ve had it the entire time that I’ve known you.”

“Yeah,” Bellamy agrees, flipping over a few pages in the scrapbook as he searches for something he’s sure is in this particular book, “Here it is – my thirteenth birthday. My Mom made an entire page just for the soulmark – look.”

He passes the album to Clarke, and decides to sort through some of the other boxes, leaving her to keep looking through the photos.

“Oh my god!” She exclaims a few minutes later, a wicked smile overtaking her face.

“What is it?” Bellamy groans, sure he isn’t going to like whatever’s got her so excited.

“Why did I never get told that you had an _emo_ phase?”

Oh god. She’d hit his wannabe-edgy phase. A period of time he spent with straightened hair and dark clothes that thankfully didn’t last too long – he thinks some eyeliner might have made an appearance at some point. He’d almost forgotten that had happened (or maybe he’d purposefully blanked it out of his memory). 

He makes a grab for the book, but she’s faster, leaping to her feet and darting down the hallway before he even gets close.

“Come on, Princess. You don’t need to see anymore.” Bellamy pleads, attempting to sound serious but he’s sure that he fails.

“Judging by your reaction I really think I do.” She retorts gleefully, legging it up the stairs with the pictures safely in hand.

Bellamy gives chase and catches up with her in his room, where she’s sequestered herself in the corner of the bed and is gleefully searching through the pictures.

“Hand it over.” He keeps his voice low, trying to keep any hint of laughter out of it.

“Never.”

Bellamy moves first this time, leaping on to the bed fast enough that he can grab a hold of Clarke’s ankle before she can get off of it. She kicks out but he just grabs her other ankle too, both of them in fits of laughter as he drags her down the mattress towards him. Still, she refuses to give up ownership of the album, hiding it beneath her back so that he can’t get to it.

Fine, desperate times call for desperate measures. 

He slowly advances a hand towards Clarke’s side, very much prepared to tickle her until she gives it up. She _hates_ being tickled – which makes doing it quite funny. 

Clarke knows exactly what he’s planning on doing, “No, Bellamy, don’t!” She chokes out through her laughter, attempting to wriggle out of his grasp to no avail.

“It’s up to you Clarke, either give me the photos or I’ll do it.” He really doesn’t even _care_ that much about the album, it’s just the principle of the situation.

“Fine! Okay. You can have them!” Clarke concedes, rolling over so that he can grab the book from beneath her.

That’s the moment Bellamy processes the position that they’re in – and he sees the exact moment that it clicks in Clarke’s eyes as well.

They’re on his bed, Clarke on her back and him leaning over her, both slightly out of breath in the aftermath of the fight for the photos. Clarke’s breath catches in her throat, and he doesn’t miss how her gaze flickers to his lips before returning to meet his own eyes.

It’s a prolonged moment of eye-contact, tension building as neither of them move – waiting for someone to do _something_.

It’s Clarke that does it – lifting her head and kissing him. It’s just a quick one, a peck, honestly – lips barely touching for a second. They could both get up and off the bed and move on like it never happened.

They don’t.

Bellamy isn’t sure who moves next, but that really doesn’t _matter_. What does matter is that their lips are meeting again, and this time it isn’t quick and neither of them are pulling away. It’s messy and passionate and _electric_ and all Bellamy can think is _finally_. Clarke lifts an arm to wrap around his neck and hold him closer – whilst his own hands find their way to her waist, settling on her curves like they belong there.

It could last for minutes or it could have been hours, Bellamy honestly has no clue – the sparks shooting around his brain replace any concept he has of time. At some point though they break apart, and Bellamy looks at Clarke beneath him. Her breathing is heavy, chest heaving through a completely different form of exertion than earlier. Her lips are red and her cheeks are flushed and her eyes are wide – pupils blown as she returns his eye contact.

All Bellamy wants to do is kiss her again, but he’s looking down at her and he remembers just how _young_ she is and he _can’t_.

She leans in to kiss him again but he shakes his head, ignoring the noise of protest she makes when he clambers off of her and off the bed – trying to put as much distance between himself and Clarke. She sits up, eyes narrowing as she watches him, looking up at him in confusion from her seat on the bed.

“We can’t do this.” Is all Bellamy can give as an explanation – his brain still isn’t working enough to come up with any other words.

Clarke doesn’t say anything – just crosses her arms across her chest and shoots him with a glare that screams _’why not’_.

He responds to the silent words, “You know why we can’t.”

She shakes her head, “I don’t. I’m eighteen. We’re literally _soulmates_. This is what we’re supposed to do,” her eyes drop down his body to the bulge in his trousers, he thinks he’s been half-hard since the moment she kissed him, “You clearly _want_ to.”

Bellamy chooses to ignore that comment, “It’s not that simple.”

“It could be.” Clarke insists – Bellamy can hear her the frustration in her voice. This isn’t what he wants – he needs to do something to diffuse this before it blows out of control.

He fails, yet again.

“Look, Clarke. I understand what you’re saying, what you’re feeling but –“

“No, you really don’t understand,” Clarke spits, cutting him off and launching herself to her feet, “You really have no idea what it’s like to grow up dreaming about your soulmate, only to find out that they’re eleven years older than you and someone who’s like family. You have no idea what it’s like to have to go into school and be around everyone when they’re all excited about getting their soulmarks and listen to them imagining their soulmates and how they’ll meet them, but not being able to be excited with them because you know that you’ll _never_ have the story everyone dreams about.”

“Clarke – “

“I’m not done, Bellamy,” She chokes out his name with a venom he’s never heard leave her lips, “You don’t know what it’s like to have to grow up knowing who your soulmate is but knowing that they’ll never want you because they think you’re just a kid that doesn’t know what they want. I’m always going to be too immature and stupid and pathetic for you - I get it! Just don’t pretend you understand how I feel because you _don’t_.”

She’s crying, still somehow glaring at him with fire burning in her look even as angry tears fall out her eyes. 

He doesn’t want her to cry. He reaches out a hand to her arm in an attempt to soothe her, but she shakes his touch off almost as soon as he makes contact.

“I don’t think that, Clarke. I promise you – all those things you said – I’ve _never_ thought that about you. I swear.” Bellamy implores – he can’t have her thinking those things are true – not for a moment. He _won’t_.

“Why don’t you want me, then?” Clarke’s voice cracks, vulnerability dripping off each word, fire dying from her eyes only to be replaced with something that might be altogether worse – hurt. A sadness that he’s entirely to blame for.

Bellamy doesn’t know what to say, what he _can_ say to make her feel better. He could be honest, he supposes. Say that he definitely wants her, that he _definitely_ doesn’t see her as some immature kid like he’s _supposed_ to, and that the guilt from that eats him up inside because she deserves to be able to experience life without him hovering over her all the time. If he says that, though, they have to sit down and have a proper talk about it and if Clarke tries to kiss him again, he’s not sure he’ll be able to convince himself to say no.

So, he says nothing – and just watches as Clarke gives up on waiting for an answer and storms out of his room, and the house - and possibly his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boom. There we go. Love me a bit of drama.
> 
> So, next chapter is gonna be the smut - which is slowly killing me to write but I'm gonna do it because I promised - you best all be excited
> 
> See you next week xoxo


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we goooooo
> 
> Thank you once again for all your lovely comments, I'm so happy you're all invested in the story and I really hope you like what's coming in this chapter ;)
> 
> This chapter is half talking but mostly smut, so enjoy it. There's like a gross amount of kissing and pet names so like have fun xoxo

Clarke doesn’t answer her phone for days, and Bellamy is increasingly aware that each day passing it becomes a day closer to her leaving for college. He can’t let her leave without seeing her first, he _won’t_. He needs to _explain_ \- not that he’s actually sure what he wants to say – but he knows he can’t leave things like this.

Miller knows something is wrong – Bellamy’s been in a shit mood since the moment Clarke left and the grey cloud has followed him at work as well. Thankfully his friend assumed that it was some kind of delayed effect from Octavia leaving, and Bellamy doesn’t bother to correct him. What’s he supposed to say? _Oh, by the way I’m madly in love with Clarke and she very possibly feels the same way but if we act on it I risk fucking up her entire future so at the moment I’m just hurting her instead and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do to fix things_. No thanks. 

Part of him wants to give her space – but there’s no _time_ for that. He needs to sort this out, and soon. If Clarke’s still angry at him when she leaves for college, he doesn’t know what he’ll do. By the time it’s been a week of radio silence from Clarke, Bellamy’s had enough.

He sends another message, telling her that if she won’t talk to him of her own volition then he’ll come to her house and have it out with her there – and if her parents happen to be home and overhear everything then so be it. He doesn’t particularly want Jake and Abby to find out exactly how bad of a job he’s done at being a good role model for Clarke – but her not hating him is much more important than having to face the judgement from her parents. It’s also a technique – Clarke quite likes keeping her personal life away from her parents – and he is pretty sure that this counts as personal matter.

So, when he comes home from work the next day to find Clarke sitting on the sofa waiting for him, he isn’t necessarily surprised by the fact that she’s there. She doesn’t bother getting up to greet him – or even smile at him – she just stays sat down with her arms crossed and an icy look on her face. It’s a look he recognises though – a mask she puts on when she’s unsure of what’s about to happen and doesn’t want to risk revealing any unwanted emotions.

Even while she’s glaring at him the way she is, Bellamy can’t help but think about how much he’s missed her this past week. She looks cute, too – wearing a flowery summer dress he doesn’t think he’s seen before that ends halfway down her thigh. 

“Hi.” He greets as he shucks off his jacket and takes a seat at the opposite end of the couch to Clarke. She doesn’t respond – just keeps glaring at him expectantly – so he continues, “I’m happy that you’re here.”

Clarke rolls her eyes at that, but does mutter in response, “Let’s talk, then.”

“I know things have gotten,” Bellamy pauses, searching for the right word but not quite being able to find it, “confusing between us, recently, but things between us don’t have to change.”

Clarke snorts, the cynical sound letting him know that she clearly doesn’t agree.

“Look, at least I’m trying here! You’ve just ignored me and the only reason you’ve actually come here is so I didn’t come to your house.” Bellamy points out exasperatedly.

Clarke’s eyes narrow, “You made it perfectly clear that you didn’t want to talk to me – or really be anywhere near me. I’ve just been staying away like you obviously wanted me to.”

“You can’t seriously think that, Clarke. I’ve been trying to talk to you all week,” Bellamy points out, “You’re the one who’s been ignoring me.”

“You’ve only been trying to talk to me because you feel guilty.” Clarke accuses – although Bellamy isn’t quite sure what he’s being accused _of_ at this point.

“Yes – because I knew I’d upset you,” He responds, confused, “I obviously don’t like knowing that you’re upset. Why are you mad about that?”

“I want you to talk to me because I’m a person that you respect and want to listen to, not just to make yourself feel better. I don’t want you to try and make things better simply because you pity me!” Clarke proclaims – voice concerningly calm for the things that she’s saying.

Bellamy can’t quite wrap his head around them – the idea of _pitying_ Clarke is a completely foreign concept to him – he can’t imagine why he ever would, “Clarke, why do you think I pity you?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” Clarke bites back, in a way that clearly tells him she’s sure she does in fact know, “How about the fact that I’m just a pathetic loser who can’t even get her soulmate to want her.”

Bellamy can’t stop the laugh that escapes his lips – an automatic response to Clarke thinking he _doesn’t_ want her, “If you _knew_ the things I _think_ about you, that isn’t what you’d be saying.”

“Well I don’t know - do I? Because you won’t tell me.” Clarke mutters, pushing up off the couch and pacing towards the other side of the room, a if she wants to put as much distance between the two of them as possible. Bellamy isn’t going to let that happen again – she’s not leaving until they’ve come to some kind of solution to whatever it is that’s going on.

He follows her off the sofa, softening his voice and speaking as sincerely as he can, “I’m so sorry – I am – that I’ve ever made you feel like I don’t respect you, or that you’re anything less than incredible. You’re the most amazing person I know, Clarke, but that doesn’t _change_ anything.”

“I don’t understand how you can say that – how you can apparently just skim over the fact that we’re soulmates like it’s _nothing_. We’re going to _be_ soulmates for the rest of our lives – it isn’t going to go away.” Clarke disagrees – and Bellamy can’t help but wonder yet again how he’s managed to screw things up so badly.

“I _know_ it isn’t nothing, Princess, but surely you can see that now isn’t the right time for us to be making any big choices. You’ve just turned eighteen, you’re about to go to college and grow up and experience things and your outlook on life will change so much – the things you think you want now will change.” Bellamy appeals – why has it got to be so hard to make sure Clarke stays _happy_.

Clarke, however isn’t moved by his words, “I _know_ what I want, Bellamy. I’ve known for a long time. I want to go to college and experience new things, like you said, but I want to experience things with you _too_. We’re both allowed to want those things. I’m not saying I want to be in a relationship with you right now, but I want _something_ , and I think you do too. Yeah, things between us right now are fine, but don’t you see that we can have _more_.”

Bellamy isn’t sure what he’s supposed to say. The things Clarke are saying do _sound_ reasonable – she’s not planning on making any dramatic choices based on him – she just wants _something_ else – whatever that means, “Well what do you suggest, Clarke?”

Clarke looks at him for a moment, a look on her face that he can’t quite decipher before she speaks, extremely confident in her words, “I want to have sex with you.”

Bellamy chokes on air – he didn’t know what he’d been expecting Clarke to say – but it definitely wasn’t that, especially in such direct words. She’s still looking at him – a challenge obvious in her eyes as she waits for his response. What should his response even _be_ \- he can’t say that he doesn’t want to, because that’s a lie, and this conversation is meant to fix things, not to keep piling false statements on top of each other.

“Why now, Clarke?” Is what he settles on after taking a moment to process her words, “Why have you decided _now_ that this is what you want?”

“This isn’t some impulsive idea, Bellamy,” Clarke insists, “I’ve wanted this for a long time.”

His immediate impulse is to ask her _how_ long – but he pushes that away – he isn’t sure that he really wants to know the answer. There’s also the urge to simply say _yes_ , and holy _fuck_ he wants to – but that would be _bad_ of him, “Well why can’t you wait? If you’ve waited this long, why not wait a couple more years until you’ve finished college and have more of an idea of what you want from life.”

Clarke seems to have her answer prepared already, “Because I want my first time to be with someone I trust, and there’s no one I trust more than you.”

Oh. _Oh_. Clarke wants him to be her _first_. Bellamy’s brain stops for a moment – focusing in on the new information.

“You’ve never…” He trails off, waving his hand lamely in replacement of saying _it_.

Clarke shakes her head.

“Not even with Finn?” Bellamy double checks. He’d just assumed that Clarke would have had sex with Finn when they dated – the idea that she hadn’t been with _anyone_ was setting off something distinctly primal inside of him and he isn’t sure how to stop it.

“No,” Clarke states simply, pausing for a moment before she continues, “I mean, we did _stuff_ , but never the full thing. At the time I thought I wasn’t ready, but now I know it was because I was saving it for you, Bell. You’re my soulmate. This is how it’s _supposed_ to be. How was I ever supposed to trust someone else when you were always right _here_.”

Bellamy’s throat is dry and his head is spinning. Clarke, his _soulmate_ , is standing in front of him telling him that she wants him, that she _waited_ for him. He isn’t sure he can refuse her again; he isn’t sure that he _wants_ to. It sounds like she’s thought this through, and about it _a lot_ – just like he has. What’s going to happen if he says no? Will she go off to college and just fuck anyone to get it over with? Bellamy really doesn’t like that idea – but he still can’t quite work out if doing this will be the best thing for _Clarke_ \- because that’s what’s important. Not what he wants – what Clarke wants.

She can see his uncertainty – it’s probably written all over his face at this point. He wants to do it – have sex with her – but is it the right thing?

Clarke tells him exactly what he needs to hear, taking a step towards him and placing a soft hand on to his soulmark, “Please, Bellamy, I _need_ it to be you.” 

It’s that moment his mind is made up. Clarke is standing in front of him and telling him that she needs him and he thinks he might need her too. It won’t have to change anything – Clarke’s already said that she’s not about to change her mind about college. This will just be a one-time thing – he gets to make sure that her first time is good and that she’s happy and safe and then she’ll go to college and be able to do everything she wants to.

There’s no question about who moves first this time – Bellamy leans in and captures Clarke’s lips with his own in a firm kiss. There’s no hesitation when she kisses him back, lips immediately falling into a rhythm that is only disrupted when Clarke’s hand drops from his arm to the hem of his shirt, fingers pulling it up and over his head.

Their lips only part so that they can get his top off, but Bellamy takes the opportunity to check once more that he’s doing the right thing. Slightly breathless, he questions, “Princess, are you sure this is what you want?”

Clarke nods resolutely, “I promise, Bell. I trust you. I want this.”

She goes to kiss him again, but he shakes his head, “Not here – we’re not doing this in here. Upstairs.”

As soon as they make it to his room they’re kissing again – but there’s a new urgency to their movements – Clarke almost dragging Bellamy on to the bed and on top of her in a position that is reminiscent of the other week – except this time there’s a clear plan for what’s coming next.

Bellamy trails his hand down Clarke’s side and to the hem of her dress, playing with the material in his fingers for a moment before slipping his hand beneath it and up her thigh. Her breath catches in her throat as his fingers travel higher – but he isn’t planning on touching her where she so clearly wants him to _just_ yet. If this is going to be a one-time thing - which it _is_ \- he’s going to make it last.

“Can I take your dress off, Princess? It’s very pretty, but I think I want to see what’s underneath.” He asks in-between the kisses he’s placing along her jaw.

Clarke _giggles_ \- a gorgeous noise that sounds entirely different than it ever has before - and nods her agreement, “I thought you might like it – you’re not very good at hiding where you’re looking sometimes.”

Bellamy nips at her neck in retaliation to that comment, taking note of the happy squeak that leaves Clarke’s lips. He slides both of his hands beneath the dress, Clarke sitting up slightly to help him pull it over her head before flopping back down on to the bed. His eyes travel down her body hungrily – she’s wearing a pastel pink bra and lacy underwear to match – he doesn’t try to stop the groan of appreciation form leaving his throat.

“You’re so beautiful – never seen anyone that looks as good as you do.” He murmurs before leaning in to kiss her again. Now he knows what it’s like he isn’t quite sure how he’s ever supposed to stop. Kissing Clarke is so different to anyone else he’s ever kissed – he isn’t sure if it’s an actual scientific soulmate thing, or just the fact he’d spent so long imagining it and it was finally _happening_.

He’s pulled out his little daydream by the realisation that his thigh has found its way between Clarke’s legs, and she is very subtly grinding up into it. He lets a hand grip her waist and guide her hips – the soft moan leaving her lips a perfect reward.

His other hand travels to the strap of her bra, a finger slipping beneath it, “Can I take this off too?”

Clarke rolls her eyes, even as she continues to grind against his thigh, “ _Yes_ , Bellamy.”

“Consent is important, Clarke, it’s not just a one and done thing. You need to check in with your partners.” Bellamy reminds her seriously, tightening his grip on her waist and pulling his thigh away, breaking off contact in a move that clearly displeases Clarke if the frustrated noise she makes is anything to go by.

“I know that,” Clarke placates, lifting her head to place a few of her own kisses to the skin where his shoulder meets his neck, “You don’t need to ask for every little thing, though. I promise I’ll tell you if there’s anything I don’t like or don’t want you to do – but taking the rest of my clothes off, for example, is definitely okay.”

Bellamy can’t quite bring himself to say sorry, because he isn’t, “I just want it to be good for you, Princess.”

“It will be, Bellamy, because it’s with you. I know you’ll look after me,” Clarke reaches behind her back as she speaks and unclips the bra, apparently deciding that the quickest way to get what she wants is to undress herself. He lets her, unable to tear his eyes away from her bare chest – she looks better than he’d ever imagined. “Now, please keep going.”

“Bossy.” Bellamy remarks, but he does as she says, kissing her mouth once more before he moves his attention to her neck – swapping between soft kisses and sharp nips at the skin. He can’t resist sucking at her pulse point – not enough to really bruise, but it will leave a small mark, a little reminder that he’s been there. He pertains the idea of marking her up properly for a moment – a few hickeys would be the perfect deterrent to any horny college boys – but he quickly pushes that idea away. Clarke isn’t his to _claim_ , however hot the idea may be - and despite the fact she _clearly_ enjoys when his teeth meet her skin.

“Look at me, Princess.” Bellamy directs, wanting to see the looks on Clarke’s face the first time he brushes over a nipple with his thumb. Her breath hitches as he repeats the action, squeezing and rolling until Clarke is letting out needy little whimpers – and only then does he wrap his lips around the peaked bud and _suck_. The effect is instantaneous - the loud moan ripping out of Clarke’s throat that only spurs Bellamy on to give the same treatment to her other breast.

He doesn’t stop until Clarke lets out a strained, “Bellamy, _please_.”

“Please what, Princess?” He smirks a little at the glare she shoots him. Her breath is coming in soft pants and she looks half wrecked already, hips regularly grinding against nothing as she searches for some sort of friction.

“Touch me.” She’s trying to order him around, but it sounds more desperate. It’s cute – and incredibly hot. He definitely wants to hear Clarke beg for him.

“I _was_ touching you.” Bellamy counters – feeling a little mean but in the best way.

“You know what I mean.” Clarke pouts.

“Do I, baby?” Bellamy can’t resist giving a nipple another quick pinch as he speaks, relishing the frustrated whine that Clarke makes.

“Stop teasing!”

“I’m sorry, I can’t help it,” Bellamy apologises – although he can’t rid the smile from his face - placing a soft, placating kiss on Clarke’s lips, “You’re just so beautiful, and so _sensitive_ , could do this for hours.”

Clarke doesn’t like that idea. Her hands drop to her waist, clearly thinking that removing her own underwear will make things move faster, but Bellamy quickly stops that with a firm grip to her wrist.

He tsks, shaking his head slowly, “I think that’s my job, Baby.” He chastises teasingly – part of him wants to see how far he can push her – but he knows that he can’t, not really – not when it’s her first time and what she wants is a million times more important than any ideas he has. He can definitely wind her up a _little_ bit more, though. It will just make it more satisfying for her when she gets what she wants.

“Well you weren’t doing it, were you?” Clarke takes the bait, clearly exasperated by his actions, or perhaps his lack of them would be more accurate.

Bellamy laughs dryly, “Should’ve known you’d be a brat in bed as well.”

“What can I say?” Clarke responds breathily, “It’s just in my nature.”

Bellamy figures he’s done enough teasing for now, and besides, he’s getting tired of having to hold himself back. He lowers his fingers to the lace of Clarke’s underwear, very happy to find out it _soaked_ , “I’m going to take these off now – is that what you want?”

Clarke nods frantically, “I need you to touch me, please.”

He doesn’t need telling again – shuffling down the bed so that his face is level with her crotch. He pulls the lace away and Clarke is completely bare in front of him – hair trimmed and skin a perfect shade of pink. He doesn’t need to touch her to tell how wet she is, but he does it anyway, sliding a single finger through her folds.

“Such a pretty pussy,” He compliments – having picked up on the fact that Clarke seems to enjoy him talking – and he’s never been one to shy away from a bit of dirty talk, “You’re so wet, Baby. Is this all for me?”

“Yeah – all yours, Bell.” Clarke agrees breathily, hips bucking up to follow the touch of his finger. He likes that – hearing Clarke say that she’s all his. It turns out he’s liking _a lot_ of the things she’s doing.

“Can I eat you out? Not for long, I promise, I just need to taste you.” Bellamy had wanted Clarke to beg, but right now he’s the one pleading. He doesn’t want to overwhelm her with anything – but _god_ he’s never wanted to eat someone out more than he does right now.

“ _Yes_.”

Bellamy doesn’t waste any time after hearing her response, flattening his tongue and licking a long stripe right up her centre. She tastes divine, better than anyone he’s ever tasted before. The ragged moan Clarke lets out when his tongue touches her is addicting. He has to hear more noises like that – and the feeling of Clarke’s hand anchoring itself in his hair is extremely encouraging. He keeps his promise, though, only letting his mouth explore her for a couple of minutes until he pulls away, lips and chin glistening with her wetness. 

Clarke’s so worked up, letting out a frustrated groan at the loss of contact which turns into a strangled whine as Bellamy nips at her thigh instead.

“Will you fuck me now?” She asks, voice soft and strained and perfect.

“Yeah, I will, Princess,” Bellamy assures her, still dropping kisses all over her thighs and lower stomach, “Just need to get you ready first. Gonna use my fingers to make you cum, and then you’ll be ready for my cock. How does that sound?” 

“Good. So good.” Clarke answers – he can hear the desperation in her voice and its _beautiful_.

“I’ve got you.” Bellamy affirms, moving himself back up the bed so that he can kiss her again. As much as he wants to see the way she’ll stretch around his fingers, he wants to see her face even more.

He skates a finger along the edge of her pussy, collecting her juices and brushing over her clit a few times, just to make sure she’s wet enough. They both groan when he slips his first finger in. She’s so _wet_ and tight and warm and the knowledge that he’s going to have his cock inside of her soon is mind-blowing.

He starts off slow, just shallow thrusts of one finger and nudging her clit every so often with his thumb. Every so often she lets out soft moans that he quickly swallows, unable to tear his mouth away from hers for any prolonged period of time.

“You ready for another, Princess?” Bellamy checks.

“Yeah, your fingers feel so good. Never felt like this before.” Clarke responds, voice high pitched and airy.

Bellamy knows that now isn’t really the time to ask, but he can’t help himself, “Did Finn try and do this with you?”

Clarke nods.

“But he couldn’t make you feel like I do, could he?” Bellamy marks his words with a strong circle over her clit.

Clarke keens at the pressure, hips bucking towards his fingers, “No – not like this. Need more.”  
He gives her what she wants, slipping another finger in and speeding up slightly. The noises Clarke makes are beautiful – he doesn’t think he’ll ever get enough of them. Two fingers are bit more of a stretch for her, he can tell by the slight pinch of her face and the whine that comes out of her throat that isn’t purely pleasure. It’s only a few seconds before it fades though, and she doesn’t make any move to tell him to stop.

He speeds up yet again, and begins curling his fingers just so – hitting the spongy lining of her walls each thrust. She likes that – moans growing in both volume and length – she’s getting close to the edge and Bellamy can’t wait to push her over.

“Fuck, Bell, there!” Clarke manages to choke out.

“Yeah,” his voice is just as strained as hers as he focuses his efforts on that particular spot, using his other hand to hold her hips down, “Right there, Princess? Like that?”

“Yes, yes,” Clarke babbles, words beginning to blend together as she reaches for her pleasure, “I’m gonna cum, Bell – gonna cum.”

Bellamy presses a thumb on to her clit and circles it strongly and he feels Clarke’s pussy clench around his fingers, “That’s it, Clarke. Look at you, taking my fingers so well. Fuck, you’re so perfect. Cum on my fingers like a good girl. That’s it. Let go.”

She does, back arching off the bed and a broken shout emerging from her lips. Bellamy slows his fingers down, softly petting Clarke through the aftershocks and only stopping completely when he’s sure she’s finished. He can’t resist lifting his fingers to his lips and sucking her essence off them.

Clarke watches him with hooded eyes, chest heaving u and down as she catches her breath.

“Was that good?” Bellamy asks with a cheeky grin.

Clarke still manages to roll her eyes at his words, “You know it was.”

He kisses her again, a soft, lingering press of the lips which Clarke quickly deepens. She drops her hand down to the crotch of his trousers, and Bellamy can’t help but moan at the contact. He’s so hard - he isn’t sure he’s ever been this turned on in his life. Clarke hooks her fingers around the waistbands of his trousers and boxers and pulls them down swiftly. It seems like she’s done with waiting – and Bellamy is no longer in any position to hold back.

He lowers his hands to help her rid him of his remaining clothes, throwing them to the floor with the pile of other clothes. He doesn’t miss the way Clarke’s eyes widen slightly at the sight of his cock, thick and long and fully erect – he’s sure he’s much bigger than Finn was.

“It’s not too late to stop.” He offers – completely serious.

Clarke shakes her head, “I want this, Bellamy. I _really_ do. I want _you_.” 

Bellamy reaches to the nightstand and pulls a condom out of the drawer, and a bottle of lube – Clarke’s wet already but the last thing he wants to do is risk hurting her. He wastes no time in getting it on and positioning himself over Clarke, who reaches out to kiss him as soon as he gets close enough – it seems like she’s enjoying kissing as much as he is.

He grinds down as they make out, hard cock rubbing sliding along Clarke’s pussy a few times and eliciting a soft moan from her lips, “Are you ready, Baby?” 

Clarke nods again, eyes trained on his – he see’s no hint of uncertainty in them.

He goes slowly, making sure to pay attention to Clarke’s reactions even as his cock is enveloped by her heat. It feels _magical_ honestly, and he’s hardly halfway in – he already knows that it’s going to be heavenly when he’s fully seated inside of her.

He stops as soon as he sees Clarke wince, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” She confirms, “it’s just _big_. Keep going – I want to be full of you.”

He does – stealing the whimpers falling from Clarke’s mouth with his lips and pressing soft kisses all over her face. He stills as he slides the last couple of inches in, giving Clarke time to adjust to him and distracting her with messy kisses.

“Bellamy, _move_ ,” Clarke’s gasps out, “Need you to fuck me.”

He does, a few slow thrusts as he ensures that Clarke isn’t in any pain and he works on constraining himself. He feels half gone already – his only coherent thought being of how fucking _perfect_ Clarke is.

They find a rhythm easily – Clarke naturally lifting her hips to meet his thrusts and soft groans falling from both their lips.

“That’s it,” Bellamy manages to rasp as he feels Clarke clench around his cock, “You’re such a good girl - taking my cock so well. So perfect. So good for me.” He doesn’t really know what he’s saying – words tumbling from his lips in an attempt to make sure Clarke _knows_ how incredible she is. Her nails are digging into the back of his shoulders and she lifts her legs so that her heels are digging into the bottom of his back and Bellamy can’t _think_.

Clarke lets out a high-pitched groan – the slight change in position letting him reach an entirely new place inside of her, “Bellamy. Fuck. I’m so full.”

She is – full of _him_. They’re a perfect match after all – two people designed to be together in every way.

It’s almost embarrassing how quickly he finds himself about to finish – recognising all the signs of an impending orgasm after about half the time he would usually last. He holds back though, focusing on getting Clarke to cum again. He _needs_ to know what it feels like to have her cum on his cock.

She’s just as close as he is – a few well-placed thrusts and circles against her clit later and she’s falling apart, pleasured cries permeating the air around them as her cunt clenches around him – the feeling of her tightening around his cock being exactly what Bellamy needed to push him over the edge. A few stuttered thrusts later and he’s cumming, buried deep inside of Clarke and filling the condom with his spend.

They take a moment when it’s over, the only sounds filling the room are their heavy breaths until Bellamy knows he needs to move. He climbs off Clarke as carefully as he can, quickly disposing of the condom before returning to the bed – where she has rolled over to watch him – a soft smile on her face.

He returns the smile, pulling his boxers on and throwing one of his shirts at Clarke for her to pull on over her head. He really likes seeing her in his shirt, he discovers. He climbs back onto the bed, arms immediately opening for her to wriggle back into – hands clasping around her waist when she’s settled.

“How are you feeling?” Bellamy questions, placing a soft kiss to the crown of her head.

“Good. Really good. That was nice.” Clarke replies, he can’t see her face but he can hear the smile in her voice.

“Only nice?” He teases, jabbing a couple of fingers into her side and relishing in the laugh that she releases.

“Nice – amazing – whatever.” Again, Bellamy doesn’t need to see her face to know that Clarke’s just rolled her eyes.

“I’m glad you enjoyed it – I’m happy I made it good for you.” Bellamy tells her sincerely – something inside of him is screaming at himself to say something else – to offer her more – but there isn’t anything else he _can_ give her. 

Not yet, at least.

“I knew you would,” Clarke responds gently, voice quieter and less sure when she speaks next, “Can I stay here, with you, for tonight?”

Bellamy doesn’t entertain the idea of saying no for a moment, “Of course you can, Princess. You can stay as long as you want.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brooooo writing the smut had me stressed but I made it through (and there may or may not be some more planned for next chapter you'll have to wait and see)
> 
> I hope you like this chapter - figured I should give you a nice soft ending to make up for what's coming later :) :)
> 
> Remember that I love knowing what you're thinking
> 
> Have a lovely week guys xoxo


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